Pics from Giverny

Bon Voyage

Since I wasn't able to keep up with my blog while traveling I thought I would post some excerpts from the emails I sent to friends and family. This one is about my arrival.

After my arrival I discovered that my housing is actually at the
University of Paris. That in and of itself was thrilling to me. The
campus is beautiful and my room is more than I could have hoped for.
But what blessed me the most was that I was immediately befriended by
two of the residents, Yun from China and Hachim from Algeria. Yun
showed me the ropes ( God bless her!) and took me to the grocery
store. Later Hachim invited me to eat a home cooked dinner that he and
three other of his Algerian friends had cooked! They were surprised
and delighted that I am a fan of their countryman, the violinist
Djamel Ben Yelles, and I can't begin to tell you how much better and
more at home their hospitality made me feel. Who would have thought
that immediately upon my arrival I would be so embraced? Talk about
having your steps ordered.

This morning I had to go out and buy a few odds and ends to prepare my
meals with, so I ventured up where i knew there was a large immigrant
community and the shopping is cheap. I ended up wandering into the
largest open air market I have ever seen. The market was packed and
loud and beautiful. They sold everything from fresh fish to underwear
- but for me the most beautiful thing of course was the incredible
mixture of people from every race and nationality. A lot of Tunisians,
Algerians, Moroccans, Africans, etc ... And let me tell you, I have
really been enlightened on the scope of what is African Attire! But
this is the Paris that I love. The Champs Elysees and Eiffel Tower are
beautiful, but for me it is that Paris is such an international city,
and the immigrants here do not feel the pressure to assimilate. Here
the Africans wear their African attire all of the time.

Back Home?

I arrived back in the states last Friday.
After being gone for eight weeks, I find myself once again experiencing reverse culture shock.
The only thing I really missed about home was my sons and the ease of knowing how to function here. (Searching for something as simple as tissue in the middle of Paris when you have a cold and the need is immediate is frustrating to say the least)
But I miss the beauty of the architecture in Europe. The fabulous quality of everyday food. The cities dripping with flowers, and the extreme kindness of nearly everyone I met.

I'm already planning for next year . . .

Back to the Future

I know I haven't posted in a while, but if any of my "old friends" happen by my blog I wanted to let you know that I head out for my seven and a half week pilgrimage to Europe this Tuesday, June twelfth. I will be traveling extensively for three and a half of the weeks and spending four weeks taking intensive French classes at the Alliance Francaise in Paris. Please keep me in your prayers.

Another Proverbs Repost

I have added to my original Proverbs post from time to time, so I decided to repost it.

On a recent trip to the Oriental Institute of the University of Chicago I noticed that it seemed to be an ancient custom for fathers to write down proverbs for their sons. I thought this was pretty cool, so even though I am a single mother, I decided I would start to do the same for my sons. What follows is the beginning of my list. I hope to have more and will add them as they come to me.

1. The words that you speak about another person reveal more about what is in your own heart than it ever will about them.

2. Arrogance is the hubris of the deeply insecure.

3. Confidence is knowing what you have. Arrogance is acting like you have more of it than anyone else. Making others feel that way is obnoxious.

4. Anger doesn't need a reason, just a target.

5. In general, people don't decide they like or dislike you based on how they feel about you, but rather how they feel about themselves when they are around you. (this is not something that is always under your control)

6. If you do what you need to do when you need to do it, eventually you will be able to do what you want to do when you want to do it.

7. Empathy is not an abstract concept. You should have it, and people should feel that you have it.

8. Life is like a baseball game. There are those who step up to the plate and swing at the ball, and there are those who sit in the dugout and watch others play the game.

9. Look where you are going. Think like you are already there.

10. Stay away from people who consistently badmouth others. They have a way of separating you from the people you need the most.

11. Prayer saves time. Tithing saves money.

12. Human communication is an inexact science at best. Just because you heard what someone said, don't believe you necessarily heard what they meant.

13. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1) If we stay focused on things as they are and have been, it is unlikely that we will ever see them become as they can and should be.

14. One of the most revolutionary things you can do is to tell the truth, especially when it isn't easy and it isn't welcome.

15. The people who say the most aren't always the people who have the most to say.

16. Anyone who thinks they are incapable of being deceived already is.

17. Remember, the stone you throw today might just come crashing through your own window tomorrow.

18. Never allow your personal relationships to blind you to the screaming obvious and inhibit your ability to make sound decisions.

The Invited

After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, " I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me." The disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which one of them he meant."


Isn't it amazing? The disciples were at a loss to know which one of them would be Christ betrayer. After three years together, eating, sleeping, walking, performing miracles, and going through adversity - they didn't know who the betrayer was. In fact the word says, they were at a loss. There were no evil suspicions among them. Even more amazing was that Christ knew from before the moment he called Judas to his side that Judas was his betrayer, and yet his behavior towards Judas had never given the other eleven the slightest hint. Could we say the same? Do people know who we like and who we don't like? Do people know who your enemies are?

When I was a child, I was raised in a home that had the a very strange mix of attitudes on racism. My parents would always tell us racism was wrong and that everyone is equal. They would always tell us that they weren't prejudice and didn't discriminate, but as we rode along in the car when my mother would see the Arab and Indian students from the local university she would cry out things such as, "Look at those camel jockeys! Black as the ace of spades!" Things became even more confusing as I neared dating age. It became very clear that my parents lack of prejudice and discrimination did not extend to the arena of dating and marriage. The excuse was that even though it mattered not to them, they didn't want to see me go through the hardship of an interracial relationship in our society. I guess that's why my father threatened my life at the age of 14 for walking down the street with the African- American paper boy.

Regardless of the way I was raised, the lessons in selective racism never really quite took hold. I could never really understand why anyone would want to narrow the circle of whom they chose to love. But now as an adult I find that there are many more reasons for narrowing our circle than just race. Oh race can still be a factor, to be sure. But when we examine our individual lives and our circle of friends, what do we see? If we are blessed enough to have a variety of friends from different races, what other factors can we look at? Classism? Education? Age? Outlook? Social rank? Religion? Marital status? Do we have friends that we disagree with, or does everyone in our group think like us, talk like us, look like us, dress like us and act like us? When people meet us for the first time, how welcome do they feel in our presence? How immediately do they know if they will "fit" in with us and our friends? And how obvious is all of the above?

When Jesus said that one of the disciples would betray him, they were at a loss to know which one it would be. It could have been a very different scene, especially if Jesus had not been so utterly even handed in his treatment of the disciples. It could have read "then the disciples turned simultaneously and in one voice cried out, "Judas!" I thank God that didn't happen. And as I grow older I find that I am even more challenged in the choices that I make for friends and the way that I treat others. God's arms and hands are evenly extended, to everyone, period. And I am thinking that the more we grow to be like Him the less obvious it should be in my life whom I like and whom I don't like. I find that I am being challenged to broaden my circle. I'm being challenged not to close ranks, but to open them. And to open them in a childlike trust that even if my openness exposes me to hurt, betrayal, or what have you, my God is big enough to hold me in the midst of it all.
After all, my Savior and Lord didn't lock Judas out, He called him in. He didn't push him away, but embraced him. And even as Judas delivered the kiss of betrayal, Jesus called him friend.

The Invisibles

The other day I was flipping channels and hit one of those shows that I hate - it was probably "COPS", I'm not sure. I usually turn the channel as fast as possible because I just can't stand to see the way most of the people live who are on those shows. This time I stopped though. They had a drunk guy pinned to his bed in a trailer park and were asking him about beating his wife. They told him the neighbors had seen the whole thing. They went outside and his wife was sitting there, her face all bruised and swollen. She was drunk too. They began to question her and she denied he did anything to her, and defended his actions. The police told her, "Mam, the neighbors saw the whole thing. Are you defending him because he is on parole?" She told them that she had been drinking and didn't want to leave the bar and he had to force her to come home and was trying to force her into the trailer. I sat there and thought about that show and the reason I always turn the channel - because I can't stand to see the way so many people live. And I started to cry. These are people's real lives.

How long are we going to keep flipping the channel?

There is a liquor store directly north of our house on 87th street. As a result there is usually a group of men hanging about. Usually a group of drunk men. When I walk to the church I have to walk through them. I used to resent this. They set out milk crates. I have to step around and over their garbage and broken bottles.They have never bothered me. In Fact they are excessively polite and call me "Mam". A while ago I began to feel my resentment change. They made me think about my grandfather and my uncles. When I would walk by they began to tug at my heart. Now that tug is an all out ache. Now I find that although I hurt over their predicament, I am grateful for their presence. It is the only thing that keeps me from becoming a good church person.

How long are we going to keep stepping around and over them on our way to church?

Favorites

" The mystery of heaven is that we are all God's favorite."
Jason Upton

18 "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

Sometimes we make a big mistake of trying to hold things all together. We look around at what's going on in our lives and it looks to us as if things are falling apart and we panic and we try to run around and run around and run around trying to hold things together, when God is the one who is shaking them apart. He's shaking it apart so that He can rebuild, and when He rebuilds, He's going to rebuild it right. Sometimes, when we see things that are falling apart in our lives we need to just step back and let them. God is clearing out the rubble to rebuild.

Daddy's Little Girl

I know I haven’t posted in a while.

I’ve been taking a math class that is hell on wheels this quarter. Thank God for Pass/Fail options.

But this morning something happened. Completely unexpected.

I was having a conversation with a close friend. She revealed to me that her father, a PK and oldest of six children was beaten on a regular basis by his father. His father was also the one who taught him about God. She said he was the only child of six who was beaten and that his father usually tied the reasoning to something spiritually lacking in him.

I made the comment that the other children, having seen what he went through, probably did their best to fall in line. After all, when I was a child I had an older sister who fought constantly with my parents over everything. I, on the other hand, gave in, all the time, even when it wasn’t healthy for me. Even when it was damaging. I told my friend it was my effort to appease them.

And then I stopped.

And as the light bulb went on in my brain I couldn’t help but mouth what I was thinking.

I said, “I’m 42 years old and I still do the same thing. Oh my God! I’m 42 years old and I’m still doing the same thing!”

The really horrible thing was what I couldn’t admit to my friend. Deep down inside, I wasn’t really trying to appease my parents. I was trying to make them love me.

This may sound a little corny, but at that moment, I finally realized that when people are incapable of loving you for your intrinsic value as a human being, there is nothing in the world you can do, buy, be or say to change that. And the longer it takes you to realize that, the more of your life you will waste trying to win over the people who can never really love you, instead of appreciating the people God put in your life who already do.

"I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot
nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood,
more vengeance, more desolation.
War is hell."

General William Tecumseh Sherman

Time for a little art . . . and a little fun.

Kandinsky
Compositions

There is nothing quite like the sound of truth echoing down the hall of lies. How you perceive the sound of it depends on what is in your heart.

Heroes

I have a student who for privacy reasons I will call Aamir. I have had him for three years now. He has cerebral palsy. Aamir has had some pretty hard knocks in life. On top of dealing with cerebral palsy, his mother died about a year ago. Now he lives with his father and stepmother, whom he feels does not understand him. He has a very highly developed sense of humor, and is extremely articulate and intelligent. I would like to tell you that the other children are understanding and helpful, but Aamir has had the misfortune of dealing with some really cold hearted bullies. He gets angry and lashes out from time to time, but this year he has an excellent teacher who is really on top of the dynamics of the classroom atmosphere, so things are getting much better for him.

A few weeks ago the children had a classroom project. They had to list their goals and how they intended to accomplish them. Then they stood up in front of the class and read them out loud. After all of the future doctors, lawyers, teachers, rap artist, singers, and sports stars had their say, Aamir went to the front of the class. It was all I could do to choke back the tears as I heard him read, "My goal is to walk up the stairs. To accomplish this I will have to put one foot in front of the other."

Kind of puts it all in perspective doesn't it?

Westward Ho

I'm trying to grapple with what I learned about Algeria and French colonization, and I just can't. I can't wrap my mind around one out of every three people being killed. And then I start thinking about the history of colonization worldwide and Iraq and Afghanistan and Rwanda and Sudan and on and on and on. We read about these statistics and I don't think they are ever quite real to us. They are numbers on a page and we might stop for a moment and sigh but then we just keep right on going. I'm very good at feeling sorry for myself and thinking I go through some stuff, but when I stop to actually try to put myself in the shoes of someone who has lost a loved one due to some kind of imperialist violence, I wonder if I know the meaning of the word suffering. I can't imagine the pain and the anger that would inflict on a human being.
Wikipedia states that Colonialism was often based on the belief that the morals and values of the colonizer were superior to those of the colonized.

Sound familiar?

Cést Strange

Yet another odd little chapter in my strange life. I have been listening to this c.d. relentlessly for the past couple of months. It is by the Algerian violinist Djamel Ben Yelles, the most famous violinist of the Rai music genre. It only takes a few seconds of listening to realize this musician is very special. The sounds are brilliant and haunting, like nothing I have ever heard before in my life. Rai music became a major source of identity for the Algero-French community in the mid 80's. The C.D. is currently out of print but a few used copies can be found online. Needless to say I highly recommend it.
Okay, so what is so strange about that, you might ask. Monday I went out to see a movie. I had time to kill so I stopped at a major dept store near the theater just to window shop. I remembered this perfume that a friend of mine had gotten there several years ago. It was cold, I had walked a ways and was standing in a semi frozen daze staring at the perfume counter when a young man walked up and asked if I needed assistance. Normally, I would have mumbled no and wandered off, but I didn't this time. I told him what was on my mind and he started to show me a few things. We began conversing and he mentioned "home". Turns out he is Algero-French. If this weren't my life, I would ask what the chances of that happening are - but this kind of stuff happens to me all of the time. Its no longer even spooky to me - and I've almost come to expect it. We discussed Djamel BenYelles. I found out Djamel is pronounced Jamel and the young man made me promise to burn the c.d. and drop it off for him. He told me, "French people don't like Algerians. Its everywhere." I had kind picked up on this from watching so many French movies. But this comment peaked my curiosity. I looked up Algeria on line, a country I previously knew next to nothing about. I found out that when the the French invaded Algeria to colonize it they annihilated one third of the Algerian population. One Third. No wonder the music is so haunting.

Sacre Coeur - Anticipation II

Anticipation

" Relationships don't thrive because the guilty are punished but because the innocent are merciful."
Max Lucado

Happy New Year

Dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)

Singin: dont worry bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry (dont worry) bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, this is my message to you-ou-ou:

Singin: dont worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. dont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing - I wont worry!
cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right - I wont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing, oh no!
cause every little thing gonna be all right!