Thursday, February 20, 2014

Haven't written much lately.
A summary: a lot of heart ache. disappointments. Too much drinking. New discoveries, or rediscoveries. New strength, less alcohol. Feeling better. Hope for the future. And now I am planning a trip to Istanbul with Jon.

That pretty much sums up last year.

Dear 2014,
I know you can do better.
Please & Thank you,

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Today I am so tired. Today, I don't want to be a foster parent. I want to be someone else. I don't want to be a punching bag for a child whose only mode of communication is relentless anger. I don't want to be responsible for the mental health of children who have been tortured, deprived, abandoned and abused in inconceivable way, first by birth parents, only to be handed over to ruthless people who are in it for the check. I don't want to live around people who shoot to kill.
I don't want to drive by boarded up buildings, too numerous to count. I don't want to be asked to wash my car windows for change, or to pay for a child to bang out a beat on a plastic bucket, and I sure as hell don't want to be forced to see someone's ass hanging out of their pants.
Today, I am so tired.
I don't want to drive 20 minutes to the grocery store, and I don't want to buy gas at a station with a variety of blunts taped to the window. I don't want to slip my money through the drawer or the carousel of bullet proof glass.
Today I am tired. So tired.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Merci pour le petit cadeux.

Friday, August 24, 2012

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.
Bob Dylan

Monday, August 06, 2012

Sunday, August 05, 2012

On days when you feel like you wake up already face down on the mat, you have to learn how to be the coach in your own corner.

Thursday, August 02, 2012

What he got Right

"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Matthew 14:29-30

How far do you have to sink?

Let me explain. I have been in church forever . . . well at least it seems that way sometimes. And I have heard many many preachers expound on the story of Peter stepping out of the boat to walk on the water towards Jesus. I have heard it used as an allegory on keeping our eyes focused on Christ in the midst of a trial rather than looking at our circumstances. I have heard it used to talk about faith, having it and the lack thereof. I have heard preachers use it to talk about fear versus faith. But there is one thing that Peter got very right that I have never heard anyone talk about. When Peter began to sink, he cried out to Jesus. He didn't cry out to the other people in the boat. He didn't try to swim back to the boat. He didn't try to save himself, work it out on his own, think it out, cry it out, or sulk it out . He didn't wait until salt water stung his eyes and water filled his nose and mouth. Peter saw Jesus as a first response rather than a last resort.

 How far do you have to sink?