Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Well, as of Friday, I am the foster parent of a toddler.  And now I sit here wondering how such a little bitty person could so totally turn my world upside down. Glad to have him though. The timing was one of those things that was so precise, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the hand of the Divine was in it. It should have been one of the saddest days I have known, but I had a bundle of responsibility dropped into my lap and there was not time or energy left to mourn what in comparison was a superficial loss.
Where once foster parenting was something I was more than ready to move on from, here I am now not ever wanting to do anything else. People tell me all of the time how lucky my children are to have me. I'm lucky to have them.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Haven't written much lately.
A summary: a lot of heart ache. disappointments. Too much drinking. New discoveries, or rediscoveries. New strength, less alcohol. Feeling better. Hope for the future. And now I am planning a trip to Istanbul with Jon.

That pretty much sums up last year.

Dear 2014,
I know you can do better.
Please & Thank you,

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Today I am so tired. Today, I don't want to be a foster parent. I want to be someone else. I don't want to be a punching bag for a child whose only mode of communication is relentless anger. I don't want to be responsible for the mental health of children who have been tortured, deprived, abandoned and abused in inconceivable way, first by birth parents, only to be handed over to ruthless people who are in it for the check. I don't want to live around people who shoot to kill.
I don't want to drive by boarded up buildings, too numerous to count. I don't want to be asked to wash my car windows for change, or to pay for a child to bang out a beat on a plastic bucket, and I sure as hell don't want to be forced to see someone's ass hanging out of their pants.
Today, I am so tired.
I don't want to drive 20 minutes to the grocery store, and I don't want to buy gas at a station with a variety of blunts taped to the window. I don't want to slip my money through the drawer or the carousel of bullet proof glass.
Today I am tired. So tired.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Merci pour le petit cadeux.

Friday, August 24, 2012

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.
Bob Dylan

Monday, August 06, 2012

Sunday, August 05, 2012

On days when you feel like you wake up already face down on the mat, you have to learn how to be the coach in your own corner.