Thursday, February 28, 2008


Aren’t you glad Sarah laughed? I am. It makes me feel a whole lot better some times. In fact not only did she laugh, she then turned around and lied about it. But it didn’t stop the promise. I love her response – Now? Now you want to bless me? Now you want to give me what I have been longing for, aching for, and dying for, for so many years – so long that I had given up hope of ever seeing it – Now? Now that I am as good as dead, have been given away by my husband twice, watched him have a child with another woman in front of my eyes, NOW you want to bless me with the promise?

I think I understand how she feels. I mean have you ever wanted to ask God if He is out of His mind or what on earth He is thinking? You hope and yearn and believe Him for something and at first you are really strong and confident about it, but then time wears on, and trials begin to hit, and hit …and hit. You look to the horizon for the promise but to your horror it looks even farther away than it did at the beginning. People begin to speak over you to give up, it will never happen. They remind you of all the ways you have messed up, all of your failures and everything you’re not, how you didn’t have the right attitude all of the time, the things you said wrong, the people you pissed off, and how in general you might as well consider it “game over”. Your confidence wanes, your grip loosens on what you were holding onto so strongly. Maybe you do like Abraham and Sarah and take matters into your own hands and end up bearing an Ishmael. In fact you look around you and you have to admit, it would have been difficult to make a bigger mess of things. You get depressed, and can even get to the place to where, like Sarah, you have given up entirely. You tell yourself you don’t even care anymore and almost believe you.

And then God sends an angel into your life and says NOW!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Two Questions

I've had a couple of things on my mind lately.

First of all I have been pondering the following question. In the Garden of Gethsemane, do you ever wonder who was the last to fall asleep? I do. I wonder what it felt like to try to stay awake while one by one those around you dropped off. I wonder if the last one to sucumb did so just because everyone else had, or because maybe it was just too dang lonely to still be the only one awake all by themselves in such an ominous atmosphere. The Bible doesn't tell us who it was, but it does say that the people that Christ singled out and rebuked by name were leaders. I wonder if He knew it was their example that made it all the easier for others to give in? I wonder if the other disciples looked around and said to themselves, "Well, Peter is asleep. And John is snoring! It must be okay."

I also ask myself the question, "Is the measure of our faith how well we love our enemies?" Christ washed everyone's feet - even Judas', and if I know my Saviour, I would be willing to bet especially Judas'. I have to ask myself when was the last time I washed the feet of my enemy? And I'm not talking about making magnanimous gestures designed to demonstrate that we are the bigger person. Those lack sincerity and in the end are motivated by a desire to make the other person appear small and us superior. When was the last time I did something kind for someone who had hurt me - anonymously . . . How do I talk about them behind their back? What do I secretly wish for them and their lives? Do I pray for them - sincerely?

It kind of reminds me of an old song, Lord, I want to be a Christian in my heart.

In my heart.