Mon Secret

"What makes the desert beautiful," said the little prince,
"is that somewhere it hides a well . . ."

Merci

quotes

Slartibartfast:...I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ah, no. Well, that's where it all falls down, of course.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Where Grace Meets Truth

Sometimes when I am reading the Bible, some small seemingly innocuous little phrase will leap out at me and get a hook in my spirit. A little voice will tell me, "There is more there than meets the eye." And that one word, or small phrase will just rattle around in my spirit for days, weeks, and sometimes even months. Its been that way lately with the book of John. In the first chapter and the fourteenth verse John describes Jesus as being the One and Only who came from the Father full of grace and truth. That last bit of that phrase full of grace and truth has been nagging at me for months now, and I have found myself asking God over and over, "Where does grace meet truth?"

Recently, I rented a French movie titled Red. It was excellent. One of the main characters in the story is a retired French judge. Through an accident involving his dog he meets a young woman and they slowly develop a friendship. During the course of the friendship he challenges her to look deeper at the motivations for her own actions and that of others, and to question the true meaning of justice. At one point he speaks of the decisions he made as a judge and questions them. The young woman protest and tells him that his decisions were just. He responded by asking, "Were they? In every case that I have decided, had I been in the shoes of the defendant I would have done the exact same thing."

So I am asking the question, "Where does grace meet truth?" And I am thinking perhaps the answer is mercy.

Mercy made Jesus write in the dirt while rocks fell from condemning hands.
Mercy healed blinded eyes rather than judging them.
Mercy raised a widow's only son from a death bed.
Mercy lifted Peter from the swirling waves of a tempest tossed sea.
Mercy responded to a blind man crying out from the roadside whom everyone else was trying to shush.
Mercy cried out from a cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

Truth tells us the reality of our sinful situation. That none are righteous, and that in our sinful situation, we are without hope. Grace sees us there, in that place of destitution and touches those who are willing with the gift of divine salvation. If we are really walking in truth, we understand and are overwhelmed by how utterly undeserving we are of this precious gift of absolute forgiveness, and infinite love. And in that place where grace meets truth mercy is born, a mercy that causes us to go and do likewise - To forgive the seemingly unforgivable, to love the undeserving, to be generous to the ungrateful. Like the retired judge, we walk in a place of the constant knowledge of our own unworthiness and our master's boundless mercy. We understand that all of our righteousness is as filthy rags and the reality of the situation that we are all that thief on the cross, crying out to the Christ, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." And rather than the judge, we reach out our hands in mercy and become living instruments of the healer.

Ahhhhhhhhhh. . . J'adore Paris!

Les Escaliers de Montmartre, Paris

Davey and Goliath

Hell's Bell's la partie deux

Well, I fell victim to the new Beta system with blogger and ended up messing up my old template. I did my best to redo it with my limited technical abilities, hence the changes. I'm not happy with them, but alas, here they are.
'Tis what it 'tis.

Tant pis. Quel dommage.
(Too bad. What a shame!)

Glass Houses

Well, it appears that housing is big on my mind right now....

I hate to admit that at times the obvious is the hardest thing in the world for me to grasp, but for a long time I didn't really understand the old saying "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Years of ministry and church involvement taught me the meaning. Those of us who lived through the eighties share the experience of watching the fall of televangelist Jim Bakker. Jimmy Swaggart railed against him, calling him a cancer on the body of Christ, only to have his own unsavory interactions with prostitutes publicly exposed a year later. One never knows if the rock we throw today might come crashing through our own window tomorrow . . .

There is a children's book titled, "There is a Nightmare in my Closet." And if truth be told there is a nightmare in every last one of our closets. All of us have allowed sin to get a foothold in our lives at one time or another. All of us have been swayed by our passions at one time or another. All of us have been selfish at one time or another, said things we shouldn't have and done things we shouldn't have done, made unwise choices, broken our promises, trusted the wrong person, been duped and deceived. When we are really honest, who are any of us to throw stones?

I wonder if we have any idea how much the words that we speak to and about each other are able to defile us? I was reading Isaiah six, you know the scripture about "I am a man of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips..." Then if you go on to verse 9 it it says, " Go and tell this people Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing but never perceiving".... and in verse ten it concludes "otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn and be healed."

I want to serve God with all of my heart, but I just get sooooo utterly tired of the way we treat each other and the way we talk to and about each other. I want to love with all my heart, and to be be a genuinely loving and kind person, but sometimes I just feel like the current of the quagmire that is swirling around me is just so powerful, I get sucked in. But of course greater is HE that is in me . . . I'm not trying to blame others for my own failures, just expressing how I feel right now.

St. Francis

"Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words."

House of Cards

There's a story in the Bible of two brothers. They approach the Messiah and make a request. They want to sit on His right and His left in the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus responds by telling them they don't know what they are asking. He continues his response by teaching about extreme servanthood.

I think a lot of times we are the same way. I wonder if we know what we are asking God when we pray, and if we did would we still pray it?

We pray to grow in our love walk.
God responds by allowing someone to come into our life who's behavior is anything but lovable.

We pray to be more patient.
God allows us to wait longer.

We pray to be a purified.
God turns up the heat and allows our motivations to be exposed.

We pray for a spouse.
God tells us we need to learn to be less selfish.

We pray for a new job.
God tells us to be more productive where we are at.

We pray for rain, only to discover we have been inhabiting a paper house. We pray for wind, only discover a windy day isn't a good time to be living in a house of cards. Rain washes away impurities, and wind blows away everything that isn't stable.

So I wonder at times if when we pray, we know what we are asking, and if so, are we really ready for the answer?

Gypsy Rhythm

One of my acquaintances from school is a Jazz violinist. A while ago he spent some time in the Balkans living with Gypsies and learning their violin techniques. When he came back to the states he formed what is now known as the Gypsy Rhythm Project. I finally decided it was high time I went to hear his group and took along a friend who is also a talented violinist. They were performing at a very nice steak house. The music and the food were fabulous. During the performance I couldn't help but notice a man who appeared to be inebriated. He danced between the tables like Zorba the Greek, arms held above his head, fingers snapping away.
A while later he came up and pleaded with the band to play a request. His request was granted and before I knew it, he and his wife were dancing in the small space next to our table. I have never seen anything like it. He held her close, looked into her face and told her over and over, "You're my darling, you're my baby. You are the most beautiful woman in the world." I had never witnessed a man more profusely declaring his love for his wife. It was so beautiful. And even more extraordinary was the look on her face. It was evident that she believed every word to the core of her being.
Later in the evening when the band took a break, I was able to meet this dancing gentleman and discovered that he was not drunk, but was indeed a gypsy. He told me. "No one knows about our real culture."
And I must profess, that for me it is true. I know very little about gypsies. But watching that man completely uninhibited in pouring out his affection for his wife, I knew God was speaking to me and telling me, "That is how I want to love you if you would only receive it." For years I have known that I have difficulty receiving the love of God. I think that is true for a lot of us. Especially women who have been in abusive relationships in the past, or those who come from condemning or works oriented churches. But that night I got a breakthrough, and I wasn't at church, and I wasn't at prayer. Watching a gypsy dance with his wife in the candlelight by the side of my table, I finally understood the scripture that tells us that all of our righteousness is as filthy rags, and how utterly unworthy we are of that tremendous love God has for us - and yet, instead of being overwhelmed with my unworthiness, I was instead overwhelmed by the incredible generosity and wonder of such an incredible love. A love I want to drown in everyday.

Christianity Today?

This information was sent to me by a friend. I thought it worth sharing. For those of you who don't know, the above photo is a Nazi belt buckle which reads "God with us."

"The national government will maintain and defend the foundations on which the power of our nation rests. It will offer strong protection to Christianity as the very basis of our collective morality. Today Christians stand at the head of our country. We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit. We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the theater, and in the press - in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess during recent years." - Adolf Hitler

Source: The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, vol. 1 (London, 1942), 871-72.

The most famous Christian of the 20th century was Adolf Hitler.

Sure, we call Hitler infamous today. But before he started gobbling up European countries like they were little bratwurst sausages, Hitler was famous as a world leader with high moral values and a distinctly Christian vision.

In fact, no present politician has more blatantly declared his Christianity than Hitler, or has had his faith so widely accepted. Millions of Christians around the world admired the savvy tyrant; a couple of his more recognizable fans included Britain’s Lloyd George and that all-American idol of idols, Charles Lindbergh. The most appealing of Hitler’s “Christian” attributes included:

•His morality. He did not smoke or drink and he abhorred pornography and homosexuality.

•His call for his nation to repent. “Providence withdrew its protection and our people fell… And in this hour we sink to our knees and beseech our almighty God that He may bless us, that He may give us the strength to carry on the struggle for the freedom, the future, the honor, and the peace of our people. So help us God.” (March 1936)

*His stand against secularism: “Secular schools can never be tolerated because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without religious foundation is built on air; consequently all character training and religion must be derived from faith….” (April 1933)

*His war on atheism: “We were convinced that the people need and require [the Christian] faith. We have therefore undertaken the fight against the atheistic movement, and that not merely with a few theoretical declarations: we have stamped it out.” (October 1933)

*His blending of church and state: “National Socialism neither opposes the Church nor is it anti-religious, but on the contrary it stands on the ground of a real Christianity… For their interests cannot fail to coincide with ours alike in our fight against the symptoms of degeneracy in the world of today, in our fight against a Bolshevist culture, against atheistic movement, against criminality, and in our struggle for a consciousness of a community in our national life…These are Christian principles!” (August 1934)

•His faith-based charity: “With a tenth of our budget for religion, we would thus have a Church devoted to the State and of unshakable loyalty.” (January 1939)

•His God-given mission to cleanse Germany of evil as personified by the Jews, liberals, homosexuals, labor leaders, homeless people, immigrants from inferior cultures, and the weak and sick. “Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.” And, “We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit… We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the theater, and in the press—in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess…” (March 1936)

•His patriotism and the belief that his nation’s weakness was because “...the watchword of German foreign policy ceased to be: preservation of the German nation by all methods; but rather: preservation of world peace by all means.”

•His condemnation of others who sought to use religion for personal gain. “Worst of all, however, is the devastation wrought by the misuse of religious conviction for political ends. In truth, we cannot sharply enough attack those wretched crooks who would like to make religion an implement to perform political or rather business services
for them. These insolent liars, it is true, proclaim their creed in a stentorian voice to the whole world for other sinners to hear; but their intention is not, if necessary, to die for it, but to live better.”

•His vow to end terrorism: “…we must not dodge this struggle, but prepare for it, and for this reason acquire armament which alone offers protection against violence. Terror is not broken by the mind, but by terror.”

•His devotion to the Ten Commandments, which he proclaimed the foundation of Nazi Germany: “The Ten Commandments are a code of living to which there’s no refutation. These precepts correspond to irrefutable needs of the human soul.”

Historians seem to have done their best to silence or suppress the outspoken Christianity of Hitler and the Third Reich. Why is this? It seems to me that there are many yet today who will follow any politician who "boldly" proclaims his Christian faith, ready to turn a deaf ear to any lies he may tell and a blind eye to whatever atrocities he may commit in the name of God, Christ and Country. Think about it.

Another Dream

I had another one of my dreams.
I was riding down a beautiful boulevard. Being who I am, I had decided to ride sitting on the roof of the car, enjoying the air and the sunshine. The street was tree lined and the median was planted with lush tropical follaige and flowers. I was enjoying the day and the ride when in an instant everything changed. The sky grew dark, the wind picked up rain began to pelt down and tornado sirens began to sound. I climbed down into the car and looked out the windows searching the sky for the tornado. I spotted the funnel cloud and noticed that the tornado was in the process of forming. It would jet down and then rise back up again and again. The driver of the car began to panic and began to take uneccessary risk which were putting myself and the other passengers of the car in danger. I leaned forward and I put my hand on the shoulder of the driver and said firmly, " If you focus and speed up a little, you can beat this storm."

Musee D'Orsay

One of my favorite memories of Paris.

I'm With Stupid

Have you ever had someone you confided in only to discover they were the laaaaaaast person on earth whom you should have trusted with your secrets? You thought you had found a kindred spirit in an oasis of friendship, only to discover it was all a mirage. You think you have found a soul mate, someone you could really share your true self with, only to find that your personal business was less than sacred territory in the eyes, ears and more importantly the mouth of the one you had trusted so deeply. When such rude awakenings come in my life, for some bizarre reason I always see Yosemite Sam storming around my mind and hear his voice calling me, "Eeejit." And God knows I feel like one.

The warning signs are always there. But we never stop to think that the one who so freely shares the personal information of others might also be sharing ours. We stumble onward, foolishly engaging in emotional russian roulette, while telling ourselves, " Oh, they wouldn't do that to meeee." and whispering a silent prayer that the bullet that has struck so many others won't hit us. Mother's advice was right, don't play with a loaded gun, honey. When the light does dawn, we feel so foolish, gullible, and deceived. It sucks to be sure, but even the great wheeler - dealer business man Donald Trump owns up to the fact that he is capable of being duped. And honestly, anyone who beleives they are incapable of being deceived, already is.

Conscious Victory

I have long been a fan of John Lake. John lake lived around the early part of the twentieth century. His life was marked by extraordinary miracles. In his devotional he speaks of conscious victory. Lake refers to conscious victory as the ultimate note in the heart of the Christian, and states "The nearer our life is tuned to that note of conscious victory, the greater the victory will be evidenced in our lives."

He further states, " It is a note which is so fine and sweet and true and pure and good that it causes all our nature to respond to it and rejoices the soul with a joy unspeakable."
The idea of conscious victory to my mind is a concept of choice. In other words I choose victory, regardless of my circumstances, my health, wealth, job, spouse, church, etc . . . I am not looking for outside situations or people to "make" me happy. I understand that this is the day that God has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. And sometimes it really is an effort of "willing" yourself to be glad in it.

Conscious Victory - not something that just "happens" to us, not something we stumble into and not something we look to others for. Something in which we are full participants, fully alert, fully aware, fully active, and fully alive.

More Suheir

" a woman will tell you
every home she has ever inhabited
has been broken into
starting with her body."

More Suheir Hammad

More from the beautiful poet Suheir Hammad. This is an excerpt from
the poem "letter to anthony (critical resistance) "

II
i have always loved criminals
i tell people who try to shame
me into silence

with words like television conjugal
college libraries they say
can you imagine a library in a nigerian chinese a
columbian prison do you know what happens
in the world americans are so spoiled no idea
how lucky we are here

even you often write how
your time has offered reflection
meditation deepened your faith
but you 27 and have 10
years to go nowhere how much deeper
you going to get until a system based
on money deems you rehabilitated

i have always loved criminals
and the way you bomb my tag
butterphoenix all across your letters
reminds me our affirmation is considered vandalism

i have always loved
criminals and not only the thugged
out bravado of rap videos and champagne
popping hustlers but my father
born an arab baby boy
on the forced way out
of his homeland his mother exiled
and pregnant gave birth in a camp

the world pointed and said
palestinians do not exist palestinians
are roaches palestinians are two legged dogs
and israel built jails and weapons and
a history based on the absence of a people
israel made itself holy and chosen
and my existence a crime

so i have always loved criminals
it is a love of self
and i will not cut off any part of
me and place it behind fences and bars
and the fake ass belief
that there is a difference between
the inside and the outside

there is no outside anywhere
anymore just where we are and
what we do while we are here

and there
are people anthony who make a connection
between you puerto rican ryme slayer beautiful man and
young girls twisted into sex work and these
people nazim they are working to stop prisons
from being economically beneficial to depressed
communities and these people
bronx bomber they imagine a world
where money can't be made off the hurt
of the young the poor the colored the
sexualized the different and these people
nymflow they never heard you
spit lyrics and they won't
see the cut of your brilliance
from these mere words
but these people
42851-054 5812
they beleive human
beings can never be reduced
to numbers not in concentration
camps or reservations not in
refugee camps not in schools
and not in jails

these people
brother they resist

i will share these words
with them and i will
in your name and in the names
of all who imagine

stay well
and safe
reisist
and love
suheir

Great Quotes

“ He would have been a great, great man

had somebody loved him.”

Henry Kissinger speaking of Richard Nixon

I have been involved in a debate over on Fr. Neo's Blog about why our nation is so divided over Bush. During the course of our very interesting and heated "discussion" Dan Trabue, from Payne Hollow Visit posted these points. I was so impressed that I asked him if I could post them on my blog and he has done so on his as well. A BIG THANKS TO YOU MY BROTHER!

1. It is on the surface, a good thing that we have these differences between us. We have this chasm because we are striving to oppose injustice, oppression – in short, what I’ll call “evil.”

The Bush-types out there perceive there to be a great threat from “terrorists” which some have defined as “Islamo-fascists.” And there ARE those out there who’d harm innocent people and standing in opposition to them is a good thing.

Those who distrust Bush and his invasion of Iraq do so because they believe Bush’s actions are possibly illegal and that they encourage, not discourage terrorism. And standing in opposition to that which is illegal and which would encourage terrorism is also good thing.

And so, this desire to set our faces against evil is a good, wholesome desire. BUT…

2. From there, too many of us have decided that because we’re standing against evil, those who disagree with us must be standing in support of evil.

3. And from there, it becomes relatively easy for many of us to speak ill of They That Support Evil, to twist their words (“He said he doesn’t trust Bush’s leadership. He obviously hates America!” “She said that it’s a good idea to try to understand WHY the terrorists are acting like they do. She obviously supports terrorism!”) - EVEN if the twisted words are patently false – and to generally demonize the enemy.

4. Once we’ve accepted that the “other side” are not merely brothers and sisters with whom we have a disagreement over vital issues, but they are in fact monsters or monster-supporters, then they become less than human.

5. Once the enemy is less than human, it becomes all that much easier to further twist their words and demonize them and even want to see them stopped, even with violence, EVEN with deadly violence. EVEN deadly violence that kills innocent bystanders in the process.

And so, even though the initial starting place of opposing evil is a good, if we allow that opposition to begin to allow us to demonize the other side, then we have taken steps down a twisted path that can lead to terrorism, that can lead to evil, that can lead to becoming that very thing which we had hoped to oppose to begin with.

Standing in opposition to evil is vital, but HOW we do so is more vital, yet.

Repost - Persepolis

This is page one of Persepolis, by Marjane Satrapi. It is the autobiographical story of a child in Iran just trying her best to grow up. I highly recommend this book to everyone. It is a beautiful read. Don't let the unique format fool you. It can be deeply touching and heart wrenching. She also wrote a sequal Persepolis 2, which I find to be as equally appealing. It certainly gives the "enemy" a very human face...


Also a quote by Marjane Satrapi
"...this old and great civilization has been discussed mostly in connection with fundamentalism, fanaticism, and terrorism. As an Iranian who has lived more than half of my life in Iran I know that this image is far from the truth. I believe that an entire nation should not be judged by the wrongdoings of a few extremists. I also don't want those Iranians who lost thier lives in prisons defending freedom, who died in the war against Iraq, who suffered under various repressive regimes, or who were forced to leave their families and flee their homeland to be forgotten."

The Box

Where are you in relation to the box?

Maybe I should explain myself. Last weekend I had a small birthday dinner for two friends. I recently moved into a home that is only partially renovated and we hadn't gotten around to painting the dining room walls. I was a little vexed about this at first, but then I decided to break out my colored markers and allow our guest to write their birthday blessings on the wall. It turned out to be a lot of fun and drew attention away from the ugliness of the need for a paint job.

Well anyway, my oldest son Abe came home and drew a stick man in a box and wrote "Abe" with an arrow pointing to the little man in the box. A while later, another stickman appeared drawn outside the box by my youngest son, Jonathan. The caption with an arrow read, "Jon, outside the box." So of course, Mom haaaad to get in on the act and I drew a stick person flying over the box with the caption, "Mom, flying over the box."

So my question to you is this, where are you in relation to the box? Are you in the box? Outside the box? Flying above the box? One foot in one foot out? Is it a box you constructed for yourself, or did others place you there? Perhaps society has placed you in the box, family, friends, or even your church.

But you need to know, box inhabiters, you don't have to stay inside the box unless you choose to.

So I ask you again, where are you in relation to the box?

I heard this poem read by the incredible female poet, Suheir Hammad. I am not sure of the author and believe that she credited it to someone else.

I will not dance to your war drum.
I will not lend my soul
nor my bones
to your war drum.
I will not dance to your beating.
I know that beat
it is lifeless.
I know intimately that skin you are hitting.
It was alive once
and hunted
stolen
stretched.
I will not dance to your drummed up war.
I will not pop
spin
break
for you.
I will not hate for you
or even hate you.
I will not kill for you.
Especially
I will not die for you.
I will not mourn the dead
with murder nor suicide.
I will not side with you
nor dance to bombs because everyone else is dancing.
Everyone can be wrong.
Life is a right
not collateral or casual.
I will not forget where I come from.
I will craft my own drum.
Gather my beloved near
and our chanting will be dancing.
Our humming will be drumming.
I will not be played.
I will not lend my name
nor my rhythm to your beat.
I will dance
and resist
and dance
and persist
and dance.
This heartbeat is louder than death.
Your war drum ain'’t louder than this breath.

PEACE ~ PAX ~ PAIX ~ PAZ ~ PACE

Dan Trabue over at Payne Hollow Visit allowed me to share this post from his blog.Thanks Dan!!!

Have a Blessed Peace Sunday

The following was written by Gary Kohls. I'm sharing it here because this Sunday is Peace Sunday, the time we stop to recall the devastation of the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and to rededicate ourselves to the work of peace.

Gary is a Christian peacemaker whose writing I've read as a result of my connections to Every Church a Peace Church (www.ecapc.org). It's a timely history lesson.

Nagasaki is famous in the history of Japanese Christianity. Not only was it the site of the largest Christian church in the Orient, St. Mary’s Cathedral, but it also had the largest concentration of baptized Christians in all of Japan.

It was the city where the legendary Jesuit missionary, Francis Xavier, established a mission church in 1549, a Christian community which survived and prospered for several generations. However, soon after Xavier’s planting of Christianity in Japan, Portuguese and Spanish commercial interests began to be accurately perceived by the Japanese rulers as exploitive, and therefore the religion of the Europeans (Christianity) and their new Japanese converts became the target of brutal persecutions.

Within 60 years of the start of Xavier’s mission church, it was a capital crime to be a Christian. The Japanese Christians who refused to recant of their beliefs suffered ostracism, torture and even crucifixions similar to the Roman persecutions in the first three centuries of Christianity. After the reign of terror was over, it appeared to all observers that Japanese Christianity had been stamped out.

However, 250 years later, in the 1850s, after the coercive gunboat diplomacy of Commodore Perry forced open an offshore island for American trade purposes, it was discovered that there were thousands of baptized Christians in Nagasaki, living their faith in a catacomb existence, completely unknown to the government - which immediately started another purge. But because of international pressure, the persecutions were soon stopped, and Nagasaki Christianity came up from the underground.

And by 1917, with no help from the government, the Japanese Christian community built the massive St. Mary’s Cathedral, in the Urakami River district of Nagasaki. Now it turned out, in the mystery of good and evil, that St. Mary’s Cathedral was one of the landmarks that the Bock’s Car bombardier had been briefed on, and looking through his bomb site over Nagasaki that day, he identified the cathedral and ordered the drop.

At 11:02 am, Nagasaki Christianity was boiled, evaporated and carbonized in a scorching, radioactive fireball. The persecuted, vibrant, faithful, surviving center of Japanese Christianity had become ground zero.

And what the Japanese Imperial government could not do in over 200 years of persecution, American Christians did in 9 seconds. The entire worshipping community of Nagasaki was wiped out.

Bless God

In many churches you can hear people say quite often during worship, " We bless you Lord!" or "Bless your name God." or something similar. After years of hearing this, I've got to thinking about it quite a bit lately, and I'm asking myself if blessing God is really something we can do with words. Think about it. How do you know when you have been blessed? Isn't it because of some type of manifest evidence? We know that we are blessed by God every morning that we wake up and in countless ways throughout the course of the day. In fact the blessings that we receive from the hand of God throughout the course of any given day are innumerable and impossible to even begin to tally. But how many of us bless God in ways other than what we offer during worship on Sunday? In pondering this question, I have begun to ask God about even the most mundane aspects of my life. I want to know that apart from my, "Bless you God!" on Sunday that God is truly blessed by what manifest in my life Monday through Saturday. I want to know that He is blessed by the way I respond to someone who might be a wee bit cranky. I want to know that he is blessed by the way I respond to the young person I witness making the wrong choice. I want to know that He is blessed by the way I speak to the bus driver and the blue collar employee. I want to know that not just my words during worship bless Him, but that my actions after worship bless Him as well. I guess I'm just feeling that words with out actions to back them up are just little more than lip service - which really blesses no one at all.

s'allumer

I have been studying French for a year now. Recently I learned that "to light" is "s'allumer" in French. We're assuming it is derived from the same word as illuminate which is from the Latin - illuminare, which means "to light up". I found this interesting and very appropriate to what God has been doing in my life. You're probably familiar with this scenario - something unexpected happens to you and you find you respond in a way that shocks and surprises even you. I believe such incidents are not accidental, but are instead choreographed into our lives by a loving God who is ever perfecting us as we are transformed into the image and likeness of His son.
But it can be discouraging at times. We feel we have made so much progress and then something hits us that makes us question how much, or even if, we have grown at all spiritually. While praying about this recently God spoke to me and what he said encouraged me. He told me that our inner spiritual journey is like a walk from darkened room to darkened room and in each room we enter we turn on the light - if we have the courage.

We all have things in us that need to change - some we are aware of, and some hang like unnoticed cobwebs in a darkened room we rarely venture into. God never forces us into those areas, but always presents us with a choice. We can turn and close the door and walk away, or we can choose to venture in and turn on the light. And it really is all about choice. We have to choose to honestly look at those things within us that are yet to be transformed. We have to look at that bitterness, that lust, that selfishness, that self-righteous attitude, that self-pity, that inability to give or receive love, that unwillingness to forgive, that lack of trust - its ultimately our choice.
No one will force us - not even God.

Do you have the courage to s'allumer?

Shiprock

A couple of years ago a wonderful friend took me on a trip to the southwest. While driving we saw far off in the distance Shiprock. Like so much of the southwest, even from a distance its massiveness was a spectacle to behold. Before returning home I bought a beautiful little plaque that stated, "Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking." When I returned home I had a dream. I was wandering in the desert at night. I had been trying to find shiprock. It was so dark I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. After wandering for a while like this, certain I was lost, I decided to lay down for the night and wait for morning. When I awakened at dawns first light I opened my eyes to see shiprock looming high above me. I had unknowingly stopped my wanderings right at its base the night before. I began to climb its towering heights and as I did the Spirit of God fell heavy on me. The higher I climbed, the heavier it became and I began to weep with joy as I was consumed by the presence of God. I keep a picture of Shipwrock close at hand and when I am going through things other than the presence of God that are trying to consume me I look at it and meditate on it and remember the meaning of the dream. Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking.

The Yin and the Yang

Have you ever noticed that there is no neutral ground in the Kingdom of God? Jesus said that he who does not gather with Him scatters. You're either a gatherer or a scatterer. You're either building the Kingdom of God, or tearing it down by default. There are no disinterested spectators in the Kingdom of God - only builders or destroyers.

Lately I am coming to a much greater understanding of the frustration God exhibits toward the lukewarm Christian. In Revelation he tells us he will spew the lukewarm out of His mouth. Have you ever met anyone who just didn't want to do anything? People like that really scare me. Hangers on. They don't want to lift a brick to help build the walls, but they still want to claim association with the group. They don't have the decency to sit down with the "cold" people and get the heck out of the way of those who are building. Perhaps they would recoil at the idea of being labeled destroyers because to their own minds they aren't actually tearing bricks off of the wall. But they are destroyers by default because their lackadaisical attitude impedes the progress of those who would build, either by distraction, disruption, or a refusal to add needed resources and energy to the building.

I think each of us have played both roles at one time or another. Oh, I do believe that there are those who are predominantly one or the other. But I also think its worth while for each of us to examine our daily actions and ask ourselves if we are building or destroying in different areas of our life - with our relationships, finances, and other resources. Let's not be fooled into thinking that our selfishness or disinterest affects no one but ourselves, because every choice we make is either an act of gathering or scattering.

And yet, I love her still . . .

Van Gogh

My Empire of Dirt

Have you heard or seen the video for "Hurt" by Johnny Cash?
Its pretty amazing. I like the lines of the song where he sings, " And you can have it all - my empire of dirt." Whenever I hear it I can't help but think about Paul's admonition to the early church. I have grown to like this song by Johnny Cash, I guess because more than anything I feel like I share his frustration, and sense of disillusionment. It seems to express his hollowness that he now feels is attached to so much of his life and the pursuits that drove him. For me it expresses well how I feel about the modern church.

When did this become so complicated?
When did speculation become discernment?
When did gossip become a prayer request?
When did denial become a fruit of the Holy Spirit?
When did disorder become freedom and structure become legalism?



Maybe I'm just tired. I'm tired of Christians who behave as if the church is their personal platform for superstardom. I'm tired of pastors who fleece their flocks. I'm tired of slander passing for a prophetic word. I'm tired of people being so deep they have gone off the deep end. I'm tired of people being demonized because they had the nerve to speak the truth we didn't want to hear.

If we are going to lose our minds - could we at least take on the mind of Christ?
You know, the one this is supposedly all about in the first place . . .


"But each one should be careful how he builds. ¹¹For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹²If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, ¹³his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. ¹⁴If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. ¹⁵If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." I Corinthians 3: 10-15

Hopefully you will be able to click on the linkbelow and access the video.

http://www.losthighwayrecords.com/e/cash11403.html

April in Paris

Weeeee'll . . . I haven't written much lately. There are several reasons for that. First and foremost being the realization of my lifelong dream of visiting Paris. It was life changing for me, and I think I am going through reverse culture shock . . .
The trip far and away exceeded even my highest expectations. I was overwhelmed, to say the least.
There were so many things that happened to me on the trip. In order to help me remember and record them I wrote a daily group email and sent it to my friends. I will post it here for those of you who care to read it. The photo at the top was taken at the top of the spire at Sacre Coeur - my favorite spot in Paris. I thought the Celtic influence was interesting.
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Apr 18

The people at the B&B where I am staying in London are kind enough to let me use the computer at the desk. I'm not sure if I will be that luck in Paris, so I will take advantage of the opportunity while I can.

The flight would have been wonderful if it had not been for a very loud spoiled toddler who screamed for three hours and then started all over again when he woke up in the morning. Good thing it wasn't reality tv - I know how I would have voted mid Atlantic. But I was one of the very few non- Indians on the flight. I was adopted in the terminal by the patriarch of a Sikh family. As it turned out we ended up in the same row on the flight. He was born in Kenya, lived there the first thirty years and then moved to London. They were all very nice. The food on the flight was Indian and amazingly good.

I am completely overwhelmed by London in the best sense of the word. I have been reading and dreaming about coming here for most of my life, and yet nothing prepares you for the real experience. I think more than anything it is the atmosphere. I wonder if that is what heaven is like? Everyone is very kind and helpful here. So far the only snag has been that here they use a smart card with a micro-chip, rather than a magnetic strip. All of the businesses still accept my old card, but I have not been able to withdraw cash. So far I haven't needed to. London has exceeded every expectation. It is all it is supposed to be and more. Red double deckers, red mail boxes, red phone booths! Red, red red - these are my kind of people - Ha! The choir at Westminster is on holiday - rats. Shopped at Harrods. Incredible. It lives up to its reputation. It actually does have stuff in every price range. Ate at a Lebanese restaurant for dinner, when I finally slowed down enough to remember that I actually need to eat . . .

Hope I can find access to a computer in Paris.
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April 19

please excuse errors as the keyboards here are different.

Arrived in Paris safely yesterday. Card works in the ATM! Saw Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysee. Thought London shopping was better.

But something unbelievable . . .

I asked the folks at the hotel to direct me to the nearest Metro Stop. They told me to walk north and take the second left. A half block from my turn I saw an Indian running a corner market. I then saw that the next shop actually sold Indian groceries and that the one next to it was an Indian restaurant. I turned the corner and found myself on an entire street of Indian and Sri Lankan businesses!!! I stopped to talk to someone and they informed me that I was in the Indian and Sri Lankan community in Paris!!!!! It smells and looks just like Devon Ave. Two blocks from my hotel! This is really too much! I'm using one of several of thier internet cafes to type this. Im not sure how much access I will have as they were closed when I returned last night, so if you don't hear from me don't worry. I seem to have a knack for navigating metros. The pickpockets came at me when I got off the train. I gave them a look that sent them flying.

I had my first meal in Paris last night! Wow! I ordered salmon, always my first choice when on the menu. It melted in my mouth like butter. Have encountered the infamous French attitude, but found that if I at least try to speak the little French I know the frosty exterior melts and is replaced by the warmest of smiles. I'm going off the beaten path today as I found that the touriste spots are mainly packed with Americans - we sure do know how to make ourselves obvious.

My love to everyone.
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Apr 20

I am convinced at this point that God is my tour guide. I am seeing everything I want to see and then some, including a side of Black Paris that isnt in the tour books. The neighborhoods are the way to go. The people are extremely kind, helpful and welcoming. The high tourist areas are overwhelming to me in the worst sense of the word.

Yesterday I got off the train at a busy market I had noticed next to a Tati. I found myself in the middle of the African and Arab neighborhood. A lot of people from Senegal. FABULOUS shopping! Especially in comparison to tourist areas. I walked for miles and hours all over Montmarte, turned a corner and looked up just in time to read a little sign telling me I was standing in front of the former home of Vincent Van Gogh and his brother Theo. Met the owner of a little shop who sells blown glass from Lebanon. Could not believe the prices! He told me no one from Paris shops on the Champs Elysee. The shopping is good in the hood.

Saw Notre Dame this morning. Honestly I preferred the Sacre Coeur in Montmarte. But the exterior of Notre Dame was exquisite. Again too many tourist. I had a hard time praying there for all the noise. Sacre Coeur did not allow pictures. I found out at Notre Dame that is a good thing.

Right in the middle of the Indian neighborhood there is a Hell's Angels France Biker Club. Nice to know they're branching out.
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Apr 21

Hey all! Is it really Friday already? Today I am slowing way down. After walking for four days straight I have to give my poor feet a break. Saw Musee d'Orsay yesterday. Incredible!!!! I started at the Louvre but it was sooooooooo hot and crowded I had to bail out. When a place makes you miserable it aint worth it. But I did get to see the mother of all chandeliers in Napolean's apartments. I am going to plan a trip back just to do the Louvre after Christmas. Hope Abe and Jonathan can come with me this time.

My only definite aim for the next two days is Versailles. I am not even sure I am going to hit the flea market. I found Prentemps and Galleries Du Lafayette yesterday and I'm really shopped out at this point. I might still try to go to Giverny tomorrow insted.

Only bad incident so far - I allowed a very pushy woman to get me flustered at Orsay and dropped the camera. It is fine, but I lost all my pictures .... Another good reason to come back.

The Metro here is incredible! It runs so quickly. I rarely walk into a station and have to wait for a train. There is usually one right there. And when it pulls out another is right there behind it within a minute or two. In fact it runs so well that there have been times I have hopped the Metro and come back to my hotel just to use the bathroom or drop off packages! It really does run that well!

I haven't had the same experience with food that Corey and Stacy had. Everywhere I go I get huge portions and feel guilty about leaving all that food behind as I have no where to keep it. The Kabobs at the Turkish stands are wonderful.

Gotta go.

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Apr 22

There should never be a last day of vacations. They are too bitter sweet. You should just be able to skip from next to last day to home. Just when you get to know the people in the hood and remember all of the French you forgot you have to come back home. Ces't la vie . . .

Got lost yesterday. It was fabulous! Ended up in St. Germaine en Laye. Right by the train station there is a gorgeous chateau that is now a museum. Going to try to go back today. Also has beautiful gardens and a great view of the city. Ended up taking a joy ride through the suburbs on the bus. I didn't worry because I knew that as long as there was a train station at the end of the route I could get back in the city. Passed some of those ruins of arches I had wanted to see. Passed a suburban mall that was Massive!!!!! The suburbs have a much different feel than the city, just like in the states.

Had a great breakfast this morning.

Determined not to leave Paris without eating a crepe, I ordered a Grand Marnier Crepe thinking it would come with a nice orange sauce laced with a little Grand Marnier. Little did I know that they pour a bucket of alcohol on it AFTER it cooks . . . Oh well, Bon Appetit!

The saddest thing about Europe is that her churches are full of people but no one comes to worship.

Well, I guess this is it. I start towards home first thing tomorrow.

God Bless.

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Apr 25 For those of you I haven't already seen, I want to let you know that I made it back home safe and sound.

Also, I wanted to share a couple of things about my trip. Ruth had asked me what God was showing me on my trip. During the course of my journey it was very clear to me that God was with me every step of the way. For example, I like to do needle work and on my way into Paris I was wondering if French women do needlework and if so where they buy their supplies. In search of a teddy bear, I wandered right into the needlework dept in Printemps in Paris. This happened to me over and over again on the trip. Time and time again I would have a desire to know or see something and it would just happen without my trying to make it happen - God was giving me the desires of my heart and showing me that He is with me. And even though I went on the trip alone, I have never felt less alone in my life.

Also, just when you think God is finished . . .
The flight home was incredible. We flew on a 747 and I had a window seat as well as being alone in my row, so I was able to lift the arms and stretch out. But that was far from being the biggest blessing of the flight. On the way home we flew over the tip of Greenland. The sun, of course, was out for the whole way for the return journey. As we neared the tip of Greenland I looked out the windows and began to see patches of ice floating in the water. I then began to see scattered streams of ice flows. This then turned into an ocean entirely filled with ice flows. We then crossed the tip of Greenland. the barren landscape consisted of soaring jet black mountains peeking through the snow. It was one of the most stunning things I have ever seen in my life. Isn't that just like God? Just when you think He is done blessing you, you turn around and He is pouring more on.
Run to win.

Are You Stuck?

One of the things I have had to learn is that if I'm going to continue to move forward, I have to be able to ignore and avoid stuck people.

You know the ones -
Stuck people give you 900 reasons why your dream will never happen.

Stuck people are the ones who see you moving toward your future and start reminding you of your past, what you did yesterday, last week, and six months ago.

Stuck people try to suck you into their wars over non-issues like choir uniforms, what color we should paint the bathroom, and if the ushers should wear black sox or navy.

Stuck people have no greater dream than to be the biggest fish in the small pond that they are currently swimming in - as if being the president of the PTA is actually a legitimate life goal.

Stuck people are the ones who look you up and down, see that you've lost weight and act as if they would rather have their tongue ripped from their head than compliment you.

Stuck people brag that they have been doing the same dang thing the same way for the last twenty years - as if that is a testimony.

Stuck people want to keep you focused on where you are at now and what you were then, rather than allowing you to focus on where you are going and what you can be.

If you are going to fulfill your dream, you had better learn to block out and ignore the stuck people.
Stuck people want company. Then they won't feel lonely. If everyone else around them is living a life just as hum-drum and mediocre as they are, they'll spend less time in the dark corners of their minds asking themselves the question, "Could I have had more, done more, been more?"

Stuck people want you to be stuck, just like them.
Maybe some day they will wake up and realize that the fly paper of their lives isn't as great as they thought it was. But I don't have time to stick around and find out.

Well Hell's Bells

Just want to say goodbye to a friend.
This is for you.
Hope you C it.
Keep your hands up.

The Boxer

I am just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told.
I have squandered my resistance,
For a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises.
All lies and jest.
Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.

When I left my home and my family I was no more than a boy,
In the company of strangers,
In the quiet of a railway station, runnin' scared.
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters,
Where the ragged people go.
Lookin' for the places, only they would know.

Lie-la-lie ...

Asking only workman's wages I come lookin' for a job,
But I get no offers,
Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue.
I do declare there were times when I was so lonesome,
I took some comfort there.
Oooh la, la, la ...

Li la li...

Now the years are rollin' by me, they are rockin' evenly
And I'm older than I once was, younger than I'll be, that's not unusual
Though it isn't strange, after changes upon changes
We are more or less the same, after changes we are more or less the same

Li la li ...

And I’m laying out my winter clothes, wishing I was gone, goin’ home
Where the new york city winters aren’t bleedin’ me, leadin’ me to goin' home

In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade,
And he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down,
Or cut him 'til he cried out in his anger and his shame,
"I am leaving, I am leaving."
But the fighter still remains.

Lie-la-lie ...

by Paul Simon

Safe and Sound

Eugene Burnand
Les disciples Pierre et Jean courant au sepulcre le matin de la Resurrection

Well, I made it back from Paris safe and sound. The trip was INCREDIBLE! But right now I am suffering from too much jet lag to blog much, so I will leave you with this post of my favorite painting that I saw while on my trip. The small scale does not enable one to see the emotion the artist captured in the eyes of Peter and John.

Salut - A tout a l'heure

Well, the Angevoix is off to Paris for a week. I have wanted to go to Paris since I was old enough to understand what Paris is. If I do this post correctly, you should be able to go to the link and scroll around a breathtaking view of Paris at night!

http://www.arnaudfrichphoto.com/paris-panoramique-360-110.htm

Carl Larsson

Carl Larsson is one of my favorite artist. He was a Swedish artist who lived in the late 19th and early 20th century. His father was alcoholic and as a result his upbringing was harsh and impoverished. It was his goal as an adult to create the warmth of the happy home that he had longed for as a child. If his art work is any example of the reality of the homelife he created for himself and his family, he certainly succeeded. The subject of most of his beautiful water colors is domestic tranquility at its joyful best.

What he got right.

"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Matthew 14:29-30

How far do you have to sink?

Let me explain. I have been in church forever . . . well at least it seems that way sometimes. And I have heard many many preachers expound on the story of Peter stepping out of the boat to walk on the water towards Jesus. I have heard it used as an allegory on keeping our eyes focused on Christ in the midst of a trial rather than looking at our circumstances. I have heard it used to talk about faith, having it and the lack thereof. I have heard preachers use it to talk about fear versus faith. But there is one thing that Peter got very right that I have never heard anyone talk about. When Peter began to sink, he cried out to Jesus. He didn't cry out to the other people in the boat. He didn't try to swim back to the boat. He didn't try to save himself, work it out on his own, think it out, cry it out, or sulk it out . He didn't wait until salt water stung his eyes and water filled his nose and mouth. Peter saw Jesus as a first response rather than a last resort.

So let me ask you the question again. How far do you have to sink?

Dr. Maya Angelou

Dr.Maya Angelou came to our church and spoke last night. Yes, I am bragging.
She was incredible.


You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

The Perfect Storm

Have you met your perfect storm?

Have you ever faced a trial that seemed made to order just to take you out. One that pushed all the right buttons in all the right places of your life. One that seemed to play on your every last weakness? Did you feel capsized? Did you wonder if you were going to drown? Did you ever face a trial that took you to the point that you realized that there just wasn't any use in playing anymore, trying to hide your pain behind a false smile or faith that you just weren't feeling at the moment? Were people disappointed that you didn't handle it with the strength they thought you should have? Did you feel judged?

Jesus faced his perfect storm. He faced it on his knees in the Garden of Gethsemane. I think that it is very interesting that he takes Peter, John and James with him to pray. The Word tells us He was deeply distressed and troubled, that He was in anguish, and that His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. He told His disciples that His soul was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. When He finds the three disciples He chose to accompany Him asleep, it is Peter He addresses. Why just Peter? Peter the bold one, the brash one, the quick tempered and boastful, the one who swore never to disown Him? Is it because Christ knew Peter, of all the disciples, needed to see him at his lowest point of sorrow? Did Peter, more than any of the others need to see the 100% human of the 100% divine Christ?

No one likes to go through a storm. But I have learned that storms can leave behind some priceless gifts. The storms of my life gave me a whole new appreciation for grace. Now when I hear the word "grace" it flames up like a fire within my heart. When I sing about God being my strength, its as if every cell of my being is echoing the sentiment. We like to put people on pedestals and when they fail to live up to all we think they should be, we love to judge. Part of us feels betrayed, let down, and sometimes disillusioned. We ask ourselves, " How could they!?!"
Peter demanded a lot of himself, and many times people who demand a lot of themselves can be harsh judges of those around them. Perhaps that is why it was so important for Jesus to have Peter witness His agony in the Garden. Perhaps like Peter, we need to be a little less quick to judge those around us who fail to respond to life's trials with the outward appearance of strength that we think they should have . . . at least until we are sure we have already faced our own perfect storm.