Bon Voyage

Since I wasn't able to keep up with my blog while traveling I thought I would post some excerpts from the emails I sent to friends and family. This one is about my arrival.

After my arrival I discovered that my housing is actually at the
University of Paris. That in and of itself was thrilling to me. The
campus is beautiful and my room is more than I could have hoped for.
But what blessed me the most was that I was immediately befriended by
two of the residents, Yun from China and Hachim from Algeria. Yun
showed me the ropes ( God bless her!) and took me to the grocery
store. Later Hachim invited me to eat a home cooked dinner that he and
three other of his Algerian friends had cooked! They were surprised
and delighted that I am a fan of their countryman, the violinist
Djamel Ben Yelles, and I can't begin to tell you how much better and
more at home their hospitality made me feel. Who would have thought
that immediately upon my arrival I would be so embraced? Talk about
having your steps ordered.

This morning I had to go out and buy a few odds and ends to prepare my
meals with, so I ventured up where i knew there was a large immigrant
community and the shopping is cheap. I ended up wandering into the
largest open air market I have ever seen. The market was packed and
loud and beautiful. They sold everything from fresh fish to underwear
- but for me the most beautiful thing of course was the incredible
mixture of people from every race and nationality. A lot of Tunisians,
Algerians, Moroccans, Africans, etc ... And let me tell you, I have
really been enlightened on the scope of what is African Attire! But
this is the Paris that I love. The Champs Elysees and Eiffel Tower are
beautiful, but for me it is that Paris is such an international city,
and the immigrants here do not feel the pressure to assimilate. Here
the Africans wear their African attire all of the time.

Back Home?

I arrived back in the states last Friday.
After being gone for eight weeks, I find myself once again experiencing reverse culture shock.
The only thing I really missed about home was my sons and the ease of knowing how to function here. (Searching for something as simple as tissue in the middle of Paris when you have a cold and the need is immediate is frustrating to say the least)
But I miss the beauty of the architecture in Europe. The fabulous quality of everyday food. The cities dripping with flowers, and the extreme kindness of nearly everyone I met.

I'm already planning for next year . . .

Back to the Future

I know I haven't posted in a while, but if any of my "old friends" happen by my blog I wanted to let you know that I head out for my seven and a half week pilgrimage to Europe this Tuesday, June twelfth. I will be traveling extensively for three and a half of the weeks and spending four weeks taking intensive French classes at the Alliance Francaise in Paris. Please keep me in your prayers.

Another Proverbs Repost

I have added to my original Proverbs post from time to time, so I decided to repost it.

On a recent trip to the Oriental Institute of the University of Chicago I noticed that it seemed to be an ancient custom for fathers to write down proverbs for their sons. I thought this was pretty cool, so even though I am a single mother, I decided I would start to do the same for my sons. What follows is the beginning of my list. I hope to have more and will add them as they come to me.

1. The words that you speak about another person reveal more about what is in your own heart than it ever will about them.

2. Arrogance is the hubris of the deeply insecure.

3. Confidence is knowing what you have. Arrogance is acting like you have more of it than anyone else. Making others feel that way is obnoxious.

4. Anger doesn't need a reason, just a target.

5. In general, people don't decide they like or dislike you based on how they feel about you, but rather how they feel about themselves when they are around you. (this is not something that is always under your control)

6. If you do what you need to do when you need to do it, eventually you will be able to do what you want to do when you want to do it.

7. Empathy is not an abstract concept. You should have it, and people should feel that you have it.

8. Life is like a baseball game. There are those who step up to the plate and swing at the ball, and there are those who sit in the dugout and watch others play the game.

9. Look where you are going. Think like you are already there.

10. Stay away from people who consistently badmouth others. They have a way of separating you from the people you need the most.

11. Prayer saves time. Tithing saves money.

12. Human communication is an inexact science at best. Just because you heard what someone said, don't believe you necessarily heard what they meant.

13. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1) If we stay focused on things as they are and have been, it is unlikely that we will ever see them become as they can and should be.

14. One of the most revolutionary things you can do is to tell the truth, especially when it isn't easy and it isn't welcome.

15. The people who say the most aren't always the people who have the most to say.

16. Anyone who thinks they are incapable of being deceived already is.

17. Remember, the stone you throw today might just come crashing through your own window tomorrow.

18. Never allow your personal relationships to blind you to the screaming obvious and inhibit your ability to make sound decisions.

The Invited

After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, " I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me." The disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which one of them he meant."


Isn't it amazing? The disciples were at a loss to know which one of them would be Christ betrayer. After three years together, eating, sleeping, walking, performing miracles, and going through adversity - they didn't know who the betrayer was. In fact the word says, they were at a loss. There were no evil suspicions among them. Even more amazing was that Christ knew from before the moment he called Judas to his side that Judas was his betrayer, and yet his behavior towards Judas had never given the other eleven the slightest hint. Could we say the same? Do people know who we like and who we don't like? Do people know who your enemies are?

When I was a child, I was raised in a home that had the a very strange mix of attitudes on racism. My parents would always tell us racism was wrong and that everyone is equal. They would always tell us that they weren't prejudice and didn't discriminate, but as we rode along in the car when my mother would see the Arab and Indian students from the local university she would cry out things such as, "Look at those camel jockeys! Black as the ace of spades!" Things became even more confusing as I neared dating age. It became very clear that my parents lack of prejudice and discrimination did not extend to the arena of dating and marriage. The excuse was that even though it mattered not to them, they didn't want to see me go through the hardship of an interracial relationship in our society. I guess that's why my father threatened my life at the age of 14 for walking down the street with the African- American paper boy.

Regardless of the way I was raised, the lessons in selective racism never really quite took hold. I could never really understand why anyone would want to narrow the circle of whom they chose to love. But now as an adult I find that there are many more reasons for narrowing our circle than just race. Oh race can still be a factor, to be sure. But when we examine our individual lives and our circle of friends, what do we see? If we are blessed enough to have a variety of friends from different races, what other factors can we look at? Classism? Education? Age? Outlook? Social rank? Religion? Marital status? Do we have friends that we disagree with, or does everyone in our group think like us, talk like us, look like us, dress like us and act like us? When people meet us for the first time, how welcome do they feel in our presence? How immediately do they know if they will "fit" in with us and our friends? And how obvious is all of the above?

When Jesus said that one of the disciples would betray him, they were at a loss to know which one it would be. It could have been a very different scene, especially if Jesus had not been so utterly even handed in his treatment of the disciples. It could have read "then the disciples turned simultaneously and in one voice cried out, "Judas!" I thank God that didn't happen. And as I grow older I find that I am even more challenged in the choices that I make for friends and the way that I treat others. God's arms and hands are evenly extended, to everyone, period. And I am thinking that the more we grow to be like Him the less obvious it should be in my life whom I like and whom I don't like. I find that I am being challenged to broaden my circle. I'm being challenged not to close ranks, but to open them. And to open them in a childlike trust that even if my openness exposes me to hurt, betrayal, or what have you, my God is big enough to hold me in the midst of it all.
After all, my Savior and Lord didn't lock Judas out, He called him in. He didn't push him away, but embraced him. And even as Judas delivered the kiss of betrayal, Jesus called him friend.

The Invisibles

The other day I was flipping channels and hit one of those shows that I hate - it was probably "COPS", I'm not sure. I usually turn the channel as fast as possible because I just can't stand to see the way most of the people live who are on those shows. This time I stopped though. They had a drunk guy pinned to his bed in a trailer park and were asking him about beating his wife. They told him the neighbors had seen the whole thing. They went outside and his wife was sitting there, her face all bruised and swollen. She was drunk too. They began to question her and she denied he did anything to her, and defended his actions. The police told her, "Mam, the neighbors saw the whole thing. Are you defending him because he is on parole?" She told them that she had been drinking and didn't want to leave the bar and he had to force her to come home and was trying to force her into the trailer. I sat there and thought about that show and the reason I always turn the channel - because I can't stand to see the way so many people live. And I started to cry. These are people's real lives.

How long are we going to keep flipping the channel?

There is a liquor store directly north of our house on 87th street. As a result there is usually a group of men hanging about. Usually a group of drunk men. When I walk to the church I have to walk through them. I used to resent this. They set out milk crates. I have to step around and over their garbage and broken bottles.They have never bothered me. In Fact they are excessively polite and call me "Mam". A while ago I began to feel my resentment change. They made me think about my grandfather and my uncles. When I would walk by they began to tug at my heart. Now that tug is an all out ache. Now I find that although I hurt over their predicament, I am grateful for their presence. It is the only thing that keeps me from becoming a good church person.

How long are we going to keep stepping around and over them on our way to church?

Favorites

" The mystery of heaven is that we are all God's favorite."
Jason Upton

18 "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

Sometimes we make a big mistake of trying to hold things all together. We look around at what's going on in our lives and it looks to us as if things are falling apart and we panic and we try to run around and run around and run around trying to hold things together, when God is the one who is shaking them apart. He's shaking it apart so that He can rebuild, and when He rebuilds, He's going to rebuild it right. Sometimes, when we see things that are falling apart in our lives we need to just step back and let them. God is clearing out the rubble to rebuild.

Daddy's Little Girl

I know I haven’t posted in a while.

I’ve been taking a math class that is hell on wheels this quarter. Thank God for Pass/Fail options.

But this morning something happened. Completely unexpected.

I was having a conversation with a close friend. She revealed to me that her father, a PK and oldest of six children was beaten on a regular basis by his father. His father was also the one who taught him about God. She said he was the only child of six who was beaten and that his father usually tied the reasoning to something spiritually lacking in him.

I made the comment that the other children, having seen what he went through, probably did their best to fall in line. After all, when I was a child I had an older sister who fought constantly with my parents over everything. I, on the other hand, gave in, all the time, even when it wasn’t healthy for me. Even when it was damaging. I told my friend it was my effort to appease them.

And then I stopped.

And as the light bulb went on in my brain I couldn’t help but mouth what I was thinking.

I said, “I’m 42 years old and I still do the same thing. Oh my God! I’m 42 years old and I’m still doing the same thing!”

The really horrible thing was what I couldn’t admit to my friend. Deep down inside, I wasn’t really trying to appease my parents. I was trying to make them love me.

This may sound a little corny, but at that moment, I finally realized that when people are incapable of loving you for your intrinsic value as a human being, there is nothing in the world you can do, buy, be or say to change that. And the longer it takes you to realize that, the more of your life you will waste trying to win over the people who can never really love you, instead of appreciating the people God put in your life who already do.

"I am tired and sick of war. Its glory is all moonshine.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot
nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood,
more vengeance, more desolation.
War is hell."

General William Tecumseh Sherman

Time for a little art . . . and a little fun.

Kandinsky
Compositions

There is nothing quite like the sound of truth echoing down the hall of lies. How you perceive the sound of it depends on what is in your heart.

Heroes

I have a student who for privacy reasons I will call Aamir. I have had him for three years now. He has cerebral palsy. Aamir has had some pretty hard knocks in life. On top of dealing with cerebral palsy, his mother died about a year ago. Now he lives with his father and stepmother, whom he feels does not understand him. He has a very highly developed sense of humor, and is extremely articulate and intelligent. I would like to tell you that the other children are understanding and helpful, but Aamir has had the misfortune of dealing with some really cold hearted bullies. He gets angry and lashes out from time to time, but this year he has an excellent teacher who is really on top of the dynamics of the classroom atmosphere, so things are getting much better for him.

A few weeks ago the children had a classroom project. They had to list their goals and how they intended to accomplish them. Then they stood up in front of the class and read them out loud. After all of the future doctors, lawyers, teachers, rap artist, singers, and sports stars had their say, Aamir went to the front of the class. It was all I could do to choke back the tears as I heard him read, "My goal is to walk up the stairs. To accomplish this I will have to put one foot in front of the other."

Kind of puts it all in perspective doesn't it?

Westward Ho

I'm trying to grapple with what I learned about Algeria and French colonization, and I just can't. I can't wrap my mind around one out of every three people being killed. And then I start thinking about the history of colonization worldwide and Iraq and Afghanistan and Rwanda and Sudan and on and on and on. We read about these statistics and I don't think they are ever quite real to us. They are numbers on a page and we might stop for a moment and sigh but then we just keep right on going. I'm very good at feeling sorry for myself and thinking I go through some stuff, but when I stop to actually try to put myself in the shoes of someone who has lost a loved one due to some kind of imperialist violence, I wonder if I know the meaning of the word suffering. I can't imagine the pain and the anger that would inflict on a human being.
Wikipedia states that Colonialism was often based on the belief that the morals and values of the colonizer were superior to those of the colonized.

Sound familiar?

Cést Strange

Yet another odd little chapter in my strange life. I have been listening to this c.d. relentlessly for the past couple of months. It is by the Algerian violinist Djamel Ben Yelles, the most famous violinist of the Rai music genre. It only takes a few seconds of listening to realize this musician is very special. The sounds are brilliant and haunting, like nothing I have ever heard before in my life. Rai music became a major source of identity for the Algero-French community in the mid 80's. The C.D. is currently out of print but a few used copies can be found online. Needless to say I highly recommend it.
Okay, so what is so strange about that, you might ask. Monday I went out to see a movie. I had time to kill so I stopped at a major dept store near the theater just to window shop. I remembered this perfume that a friend of mine had gotten there several years ago. It was cold, I had walked a ways and was standing in a semi frozen daze staring at the perfume counter when a young man walked up and asked if I needed assistance. Normally, I would have mumbled no and wandered off, but I didn't this time. I told him what was on my mind and he started to show me a few things. We began conversing and he mentioned "home". Turns out he is Algero-French. If this weren't my life, I would ask what the chances of that happening are - but this kind of stuff happens to me all of the time. Its no longer even spooky to me - and I've almost come to expect it. We discussed Djamel BenYelles. I found out Djamel is pronounced Jamel and the young man made me promise to burn the c.d. and drop it off for him. He told me, "French people don't like Algerians. Its everywhere." I had kind picked up on this from watching so many French movies. But this comment peaked my curiosity. I looked up Algeria on line, a country I previously knew next to nothing about. I found out that when the the French invaded Algeria to colonize it they annihilated one third of the Algerian population. One Third. No wonder the music is so haunting.

Sacre Coeur - Anticipation II

Anticipation

" Relationships don't thrive because the guilty are punished but because the innocent are merciful."
Max Lucado

Happy New Year

Dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)

Singin: dont worry bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry (dont worry) bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, this is my message to you-ou-ou:

Singin: dont worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. dont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing - I wont worry!
cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right - I wont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing, oh no!
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Mon Soapbox

And this accomplished what?
Is one more American soldier coming home?
Does it feed or house even one more Iraqi child?
Will it bring stability to the region?
Will anyone rest better tonight knowing that a weak and powerless has-been dictator who was brought to power by the CIA is now dead?
Just what the world needs right now,
more meaningless bloodshed.
Right.

Searching for Me

A couple of years ago Hollywood released the movie "Traffic". I didn't see it. I had already seen the British version that it was based on. Over the holidays I rented it from Netflix and watched it again. It had been a long while. My babies were little the first time I saw it. Now they tower over me.

The series tells several interwoven stories of people whose lives are all affected by the heroin trade coming out of Pakistan. One particularly poignant story is of a government minister who's daughter becomes addicted to heroin. We watch as she and her family go through all of the typical stages of a family affected by drugs. Finally after she steals from the home and makes it look like a burglary the father puts her out and tells her, "You are not my daughter."

A while later, after dreaming that he is standing over his daughter's grave he begins to search for her. He does everything he can think of, including walking the streets at night. He finds a dealer who knows her and pays him a visit. After talking to him for a little while he gets ready to leave and the young man tells him, "I wish I had someone searching for me."The father finally finds his daughter passed out half dressed with a John standing over her demanding service for his money. The Father says, "That's my daughter." The John runs off and the father takes his daughter home. Once there he begins to talk to her. He tells her, " I love you. I love you unconditionally. You don't have to stop taking heroin. You don't have to stop anything. No matter what I will still love you."

How many of us, like the young dealer, are wistfully thinking, "I wish I had someone searching for me?". We spend so much of our lives it seems searching for love. How different our lives would be if we only woke up and realized that like the father desperately searching for his daughter to bring her safely home, love is searching for us. How would our lives and our feelings about ourselves change if we realized that His love is unconditional, we don't have to stop anything to receive it, we don't have to be anything to receive it, we can just BE.

You don't have to search for love.
Love is searching for you.
Love is searching for me.
Can't you hear him calling your name?

More Great Quotes

The instinct of nearly all societies
is to lock up
Anybody who is truly free. 

First, society begins
by trying to beat you up.

If this fails,
they try to poison you. 

If this fails too,

they finish
by loading honors on your head.

--Jean Cocteau (1889-1963)

It is better to deserve honors
and not have them 

than to have them
and not deserve them.

--Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Dignity does not consist
in possessing honors, 

but in deserving them.

--Aristotle

Joyeux Noel!

Christmas in Paris

Pascal

“Dieu est une sphère infinie, dont le centre est partout et la circonférence nulle part.”

God is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere

and circumference is nowhere.

Blaise Pascal

Its pretty cliche at this point to lament the commercialization of Christmas. Its the same old complaint usually voiced in pretty much the same way. And each and every year I have to confess, I make and break the same promise - to not wait until the last minute to shop, to avoid the crowds, to finish early and bunker down safe at home for the duration. This year as I was once again fulfilling my annual tradition of breaking said promise, I found a new irritant rankling away on my nerves. It wasn't the crowds, it wasn't the end cap loaded with the animated dancing Santa's playing the saxophone for $14.99, and it wasn't the much harangued sales clerks. This year is was the Christmas muzak.

As I walked through the aisles of the local department store it seemed almost insidious to me. But apart from some very poor recording choices on the part of some very well known vocalist, there was something else that was bothering me. I think it was that so much of the music had so little to do with the actual event of the birth of Christ. And perhaps also to hear an event that is so sacred to me trivialized with brainless diddies about sleds and reindeer. But the most irritating to me were the songs of recording artist talking about what Christmas "means to me."

Is Christmas really open to our individual interpretation?

I mean the message seems pretty clear to me, and it is backed by prophesy going all the way to the fall of man and God's promise that one day Eve's heel would crush satan's head. ( Sorry, English majors, he doesn't get capitalized.) It isn't that I don't enjoy family, and cranberry sauce, lights and mistletoe, depending on who is standing directly underneath it, but as we are rushing about in a mad dash for that perfect gift, fighting over that space at the mall, and fussing at the person who had the nerve to sojourn down the same aisle at the same time as us, perhaps we do need to stop and take a deep breath and ponder our own interpretation of Christmas.

What images and words immediately come to our minds when we think of Christmas?

Lights
Presents
trees
food?

What about

stranded
pain
blood
tears?

Usually we don't hear those words in the latest Christmas jingle. But any woman who has given birth can tell you, they were very much a part of the Christmas equation. He came through water and blood, pain and anguish, and He left in water and blood, pain and anguish.
And when he did he left us with a very clear message and he gave us the interpretation.

Salvation
Hope
Deliverance

Mon Secret

"What makes the desert beautiful," said the little prince,
"is that somewhere it hides a well . . ."

Merci

quotes

Slartibartfast:...I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ah, no. Well, that's where it all falls down, of course.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Where Grace Meets Truth

Sometimes when I am reading the Bible, some small seemingly innocuous little phrase will leap out at me and get a hook in my spirit. A little voice will tell me, "There is more there than meets the eye." And that one word, or small phrase will just rattle around in my spirit for days, weeks, and sometimes even months. Its been that way lately with the book of John. In the first chapter and the fourteenth verse John describes Jesus as being the One and Only who came from the Father full of grace and truth. That last bit of that phrase full of grace and truth has been nagging at me for months now, and I have found myself asking God over and over, "Where does grace meet truth?"

Recently, I rented a French movie titled Red. It was excellent. One of the main characters in the story is a retired French judge. Through an accident involving his dog he meets a young woman and they slowly develop a friendship. During the course of the friendship he challenges her to look deeper at the motivations for her own actions and that of others, and to question the true meaning of justice. At one point he speaks of the decisions he made as a judge and questions them. The young woman protest and tells him that his decisions were just. He responded by asking, "Were they? In every case that I have decided, had I been in the shoes of the defendant I would have done the exact same thing."

So I am asking the question, "Where does grace meet truth?" And I am thinking perhaps the answer is mercy.

Mercy made Jesus write in the dirt while rocks fell from condemning hands.
Mercy healed blinded eyes rather than judging them.
Mercy raised a widow's only son from a death bed.
Mercy lifted Peter from the swirling waves of a tempest tossed sea.
Mercy responded to a blind man crying out from the roadside whom everyone else was trying to shush.
Mercy cried out from a cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

Truth tells us the reality of our sinful situation. That none are righteous, and that in our sinful situation, we are without hope. Grace sees us there, in that place of destitution and touches those who are willing with the gift of divine salvation. If we are really walking in truth, we understand and are overwhelmed by how utterly undeserving we are of this precious gift of absolute forgiveness, and infinite love. And in that place where grace meets truth mercy is born, a mercy that causes us to go and do likewise - To forgive the seemingly unforgivable, to love the undeserving, to be generous to the ungrateful. Like the retired judge, we walk in a place of the constant knowledge of our own unworthiness and our master's boundless mercy. We understand that all of our righteousness is as filthy rags and the reality of the situation that we are all that thief on the cross, crying out to the Christ, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." And rather than the judge, we reach out our hands in mercy and become living instruments of the healer.

Ahhhhhhhhhh. . . J'adore Paris!

Les Escaliers de Montmartre, Paris

Davey and Goliath

Hell's Bell's la partie deux

Well, I fell victim to the new Beta system with blogger and ended up messing up my old template. I did my best to redo it with my limited technical abilities, hence the changes. I'm not happy with them, but alas, here they are.
'Tis what it 'tis.

Tant pis. Quel dommage.
(Too bad. What a shame!)

Glass Houses

Well, it appears that housing is big on my mind right now....

I hate to admit that at times the obvious is the hardest thing in the world for me to grasp, but for a long time I didn't really understand the old saying "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Years of ministry and church involvement taught me the meaning. Those of us who lived through the eighties share the experience of watching the fall of televangelist Jim Bakker. Jimmy Swaggart railed against him, calling him a cancer on the body of Christ, only to have his own unsavory interactions with prostitutes publicly exposed a year later. One never knows if the rock we throw today might come crashing through our own window tomorrow . . .

There is a children's book titled, "There is a Nightmare in my Closet." And if truth be told there is a nightmare in every last one of our closets. All of us have allowed sin to get a foothold in our lives at one time or another. All of us have been swayed by our passions at one time or another. All of us have been selfish at one time or another, said things we shouldn't have and done things we shouldn't have done, made unwise choices, broken our promises, trusted the wrong person, been duped and deceived. When we are really honest, who are any of us to throw stones?

I wonder if we have any idea how much the words that we speak to and about each other are able to defile us? I was reading Isaiah six, you know the scripture about "I am a man of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips..." Then if you go on to verse 9 it it says, " Go and tell this people Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing but never perceiving".... and in verse ten it concludes "otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn and be healed."

I want to serve God with all of my heart, but I just get sooooo utterly tired of the way we treat each other and the way we talk to and about each other. I want to love with all my heart, and to be be a genuinely loving and kind person, but sometimes I just feel like the current of the quagmire that is swirling around me is just so powerful, I get sucked in. But of course greater is HE that is in me . . . I'm not trying to blame others for my own failures, just expressing how I feel right now.

St. Francis

"Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words."

House of Cards

There's a story in the Bible of two brothers. They approach the Messiah and make a request. They want to sit on His right and His left in the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus responds by telling them they don't know what they are asking. He continues his response by teaching about extreme servanthood.

I think a lot of times we are the same way. I wonder if we know what we are asking God when we pray, and if we did would we still pray it?

We pray to grow in our love walk.
God responds by allowing someone to come into our life who's behavior is anything but lovable.

We pray to be more patient.
God allows us to wait longer.

We pray to be a purified.
God turns up the heat and allows our motivations to be exposed.

We pray for a spouse.
God tells us we need to learn to be less selfish.

We pray for a new job.
God tells us to be more productive where we are at.

We pray for rain, only to discover we have been inhabiting a paper house. We pray for wind, only discover a windy day isn't a good time to be living in a house of cards. Rain washes away impurities, and wind blows away everything that isn't stable.

So I wonder at times if when we pray, we know what we are asking, and if so, are we really ready for the answer?

Gypsy Rhythm

One of my acquaintances from school is a Jazz violinist. A while ago he spent some time in the Balkans living with Gypsies and learning their violin techniques. When he came back to the states he formed what is now known as the Gypsy Rhythm Project. I finally decided it was high time I went to hear his group and took along a friend who is also a talented violinist. They were performing at a very nice steak house. The music and the food were fabulous. During the performance I couldn't help but notice a man who appeared to be inebriated. He danced between the tables like Zorba the Greek, arms held above his head, fingers snapping away.
A while later he came up and pleaded with the band to play a request. His request was granted and before I knew it, he and his wife were dancing in the small space next to our table. I have never seen anything like it. He held her close, looked into her face and told her over and over, "You're my darling, you're my baby. You are the most beautiful woman in the world." I had never witnessed a man more profusely declaring his love for his wife. It was so beautiful. And even more extraordinary was the look on her face. It was evident that she believed every word to the core of her being.
Later in the evening when the band took a break, I was able to meet this dancing gentleman and discovered that he was not drunk, but was indeed a gypsy. He told me. "No one knows about our real culture."
And I must profess, that for me it is true. I know very little about gypsies. But watching that man completely uninhibited in pouring out his affection for his wife, I knew God was speaking to me and telling me, "That is how I want to love you if you would only receive it." For years I have known that I have difficulty receiving the love of God. I think that is true for a lot of us. Especially women who have been in abusive relationships in the past, or those who come from condemning or works oriented churches. But that night I got a breakthrough, and I wasn't at church, and I wasn't at prayer. Watching a gypsy dance with his wife in the candlelight by the side of my table, I finally understood the scripture that tells us that all of our righteousness is as filthy rags, and how utterly unworthy we are of that tremendous love God has for us - and yet, instead of being overwhelmed with my unworthiness, I was instead overwhelmed by the incredible generosity and wonder of such an incredible love. A love I want to drown in everyday.

Christianity Today?

This information was sent to me by a friend. I thought it worth sharing. For those of you who don't know, the above photo is a Nazi belt buckle which reads "God with us."

"The national government will maintain and defend the foundations on which the power of our nation rests. It will offer strong protection to Christianity as the very basis of our collective morality. Today Christians stand at the head of our country. We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit. We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the theater, and in the press - in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess during recent years." - Adolf Hitler

Source: The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, vol. 1 (London, 1942), 871-72.

The most famous Christian of the 20th century was Adolf Hitler.

Sure, we call Hitler infamous today. But before he started gobbling up European countries like they were little bratwurst sausages, Hitler was famous as a world leader with high moral values and a distinctly Christian vision.

In fact, no present politician has more blatantly declared his Christianity than Hitler, or has had his faith so widely accepted. Millions of Christians around the world admired the savvy tyrant; a couple of his more recognizable fans included Britain’s Lloyd George and that all-American idol of idols, Charles Lindbergh. The most appealing of Hitler’s “Christian” attributes included:

•His morality. He did not smoke or drink and he abhorred pornography and homosexuality.

•His call for his nation to repent. “Providence withdrew its protection and our people fell… And in this hour we sink to our knees and beseech our almighty God that He may bless us, that He may give us the strength to carry on the struggle for the freedom, the future, the honor, and the peace of our people. So help us God.” (March 1936)

*His stand against secularism: “Secular schools can never be tolerated because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without religious foundation is built on air; consequently all character training and religion must be derived from faith….” (April 1933)

*His war on atheism: “We were convinced that the people need and require [the Christian] faith. We have therefore undertaken the fight against the atheistic movement, and that not merely with a few theoretical declarations: we have stamped it out.” (October 1933)

*His blending of church and state: “National Socialism neither opposes the Church nor is it anti-religious, but on the contrary it stands on the ground of a real Christianity… For their interests cannot fail to coincide with ours alike in our fight against the symptoms of degeneracy in the world of today, in our fight against a Bolshevist culture, against atheistic movement, against criminality, and in our struggle for a consciousness of a community in our national life…These are Christian principles!” (August 1934)

•His faith-based charity: “With a tenth of our budget for religion, we would thus have a Church devoted to the State and of unshakable loyalty.” (January 1939)

•His God-given mission to cleanse Germany of evil as personified by the Jews, liberals, homosexuals, labor leaders, homeless people, immigrants from inferior cultures, and the weak and sick. “Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.” And, “We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit… We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the theater, and in the press—in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess…” (March 1936)

•His patriotism and the belief that his nation’s weakness was because “...the watchword of German foreign policy ceased to be: preservation of the German nation by all methods; but rather: preservation of world peace by all means.”

•His condemnation of others who sought to use religion for personal gain. “Worst of all, however, is the devastation wrought by the misuse of religious conviction for political ends. In truth, we cannot sharply enough attack those wretched crooks who would like to make religion an implement to perform political or rather business services
for them. These insolent liars, it is true, proclaim their creed in a stentorian voice to the whole world for other sinners to hear; but their intention is not, if necessary, to die for it, but to live better.”

•His vow to end terrorism: “…we must not dodge this struggle, but prepare for it, and for this reason acquire armament which alone offers protection against violence. Terror is not broken by the mind, but by terror.”

•His devotion to the Ten Commandments, which he proclaimed the foundation of Nazi Germany: “The Ten Commandments are a code of living to which there’s no refutation. These precepts correspond to irrefutable needs of the human soul.”

Historians seem to have done their best to silence or suppress the outspoken Christianity of Hitler and the Third Reich. Why is this? It seems to me that there are many yet today who will follow any politician who "boldly" proclaims his Christian faith, ready to turn a deaf ear to any lies he may tell and a blind eye to whatever atrocities he may commit in the name of God, Christ and Country. Think about it.

Another Dream

I had another one of my dreams.
I was riding down a beautiful boulevard. Being who I am, I had decided to ride sitting on the roof of the car, enjoying the air and the sunshine. The street was tree lined and the median was planted with lush tropical follaige and flowers. I was enjoying the day and the ride when in an instant everything changed. The sky grew dark, the wind picked up rain began to pelt down and tornado sirens began to sound. I climbed down into the car and looked out the windows searching the sky for the tornado. I spotted the funnel cloud and noticed that the tornado was in the process of forming. It would jet down and then rise back up again and again. The driver of the car began to panic and began to take uneccessary risk which were putting myself and the other passengers of the car in danger. I leaned forward and I put my hand on the shoulder of the driver and said firmly, " If you focus and speed up a little, you can beat this storm."

Musee D'Orsay

One of my favorite memories of Paris.

I'm With Stupid

Have you ever had someone you confided in only to discover they were the laaaaaaast person on earth whom you should have trusted with your secrets? You thought you had found a kindred spirit in an oasis of friendship, only to discover it was all a mirage. You think you have found a soul mate, someone you could really share your true self with, only to find that your personal business was less than sacred territory in the eyes, ears and more importantly the mouth of the one you had trusted so deeply. When such rude awakenings come in my life, for some bizarre reason I always see Yosemite Sam storming around my mind and hear his voice calling me, "Eeejit." And God knows I feel like one.

The warning signs are always there. But we never stop to think that the one who so freely shares the personal information of others might also be sharing ours. We stumble onward, foolishly engaging in emotional russian roulette, while telling ourselves, " Oh, they wouldn't do that to meeee." and whispering a silent prayer that the bullet that has struck so many others won't hit us. Mother's advice was right, don't play with a loaded gun, honey. When the light does dawn, we feel so foolish, gullible, and deceived. It sucks to be sure, but even the great wheeler - dealer business man Donald Trump owns up to the fact that he is capable of being duped. And honestly, anyone who beleives they are incapable of being deceived, already is.

Conscious Victory

I have long been a fan of John Lake. John lake lived around the early part of the twentieth century. His life was marked by extraordinary miracles. In his devotional he speaks of conscious victory. Lake refers to conscious victory as the ultimate note in the heart of the Christian, and states "The nearer our life is tuned to that note of conscious victory, the greater the victory will be evidenced in our lives."

He further states, " It is a note which is so fine and sweet and true and pure and good that it causes all our nature to respond to it and rejoices the soul with a joy unspeakable."
The idea of conscious victory to my mind is a concept of choice. In other words I choose victory, regardless of my circumstances, my health, wealth, job, spouse, church, etc . . . I am not looking for outside situations or people to "make" me happy. I understand that this is the day that God has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. And sometimes it really is an effort of "willing" yourself to be glad in it.

Conscious Victory - not something that just "happens" to us, not something we stumble into and not something we look to others for. Something in which we are full participants, fully alert, fully aware, fully active, and fully alive.

More Suheir

" a woman will tell you
every home she has ever inhabited
has been broken into
starting with her body."

More Suheir Hammad

More from the beautiful poet Suheir Hammad. This is an excerpt from
the poem "letter to anthony (critical resistance) "

II
i have always loved criminals
i tell people who try to shame
me into silence

with words like television conjugal
college libraries they say
can you imagine a library in a nigerian chinese a
columbian prison do you know what happens
in the world americans are so spoiled no idea
how lucky we are here

even you often write how
your time has offered reflection
meditation deepened your faith
but you 27 and have 10
years to go nowhere how much deeper
you going to get until a system based
on money deems you rehabilitated

i have always loved criminals
and the way you bomb my tag
butterphoenix all across your letters
reminds me our affirmation is considered vandalism

i have always loved
criminals and not only the thugged
out bravado of rap videos and champagne
popping hustlers but my father
born an arab baby boy
on the forced way out
of his homeland his mother exiled
and pregnant gave birth in a camp

the world pointed and said
palestinians do not exist palestinians
are roaches palestinians are two legged dogs
and israel built jails and weapons and
a history based on the absence of a people
israel made itself holy and chosen
and my existence a crime

so i have always loved criminals
it is a love of self
and i will not cut off any part of
me and place it behind fences and bars
and the fake ass belief
that there is a difference between
the inside and the outside

there is no outside anywhere
anymore just where we are and
what we do while we are here

and there
are people anthony who make a connection
between you puerto rican ryme slayer beautiful man and
young girls twisted into sex work and these
people nazim they are working to stop prisons
from being economically beneficial to depressed
communities and these people
bronx bomber they imagine a world
where money can't be made off the hurt
of the young the poor the colored the
sexualized the different and these people
nymflow they never heard you
spit lyrics and they won't
see the cut of your brilliance
from these mere words
but these people
42851-054 5812
they beleive human
beings can never be reduced
to numbers not in concentration
camps or reservations not in
refugee camps not in schools
and not in jails

these people
brother they resist

i will share these words
with them and i will
in your name and in the names
of all who imagine

stay well
and safe
reisist
and love
suheir

Great Quotes

“ He would have been a great, great man

had somebody loved him.”

Henry Kissinger speaking of Richard Nixon

I have been involved in a debate over on Fr. Neo's Blog about why our nation is so divided over Bush. During the course of our very interesting and heated "discussion" Dan Trabue, from Payne Hollow Visit posted these points. I was so impressed that I asked him if I could post them on my blog and he has done so on his as well. A BIG THANKS TO YOU MY BROTHER!

1. It is on the surface, a good thing that we have these differences between us. We have this chasm because we are striving to oppose injustice, oppression – in short, what I’ll call “evil.”

The Bush-types out there perceive there to be a great threat from “terrorists” which some have defined as “Islamo-fascists.” And there ARE those out there who’d harm innocent people and standing in opposition to them is a good thing.

Those who distrust Bush and his invasion of Iraq do so because they believe Bush’s actions are possibly illegal and that they encourage, not discourage terrorism. And standing in opposition to that which is illegal and which would encourage terrorism is also good thing.

And so, this desire to set our faces against evil is a good, wholesome desire. BUT…

2. From there, too many of us have decided that because we’re standing against evil, those who disagree with us must be standing in support of evil.

3. And from there, it becomes relatively easy for many of us to speak ill of They That Support Evil, to twist their words (“He said he doesn’t trust Bush’s leadership. He obviously hates America!” “She said that it’s a good idea to try to understand WHY the terrorists are acting like they do. She obviously supports terrorism!”) - EVEN if the twisted words are patently false – and to generally demonize the enemy.

4. Once we’ve accepted that the “other side” are not merely brothers and sisters with whom we have a disagreement over vital issues, but they are in fact monsters or monster-supporters, then they become less than human.

5. Once the enemy is less than human, it becomes all that much easier to further twist their words and demonize them and even want to see them stopped, even with violence, EVEN with deadly violence. EVEN deadly violence that kills innocent bystanders in the process.

And so, even though the initial starting place of opposing evil is a good, if we allow that opposition to begin to allow us to demonize the other side, then we have taken steps down a twisted path that can lead to terrorism, that can lead to evil, that can lead to becoming that very thing which we had hoped to oppose to begin with.

Standing in opposition to evil is vital, but HOW we do so is more vital, yet.

Repost - Persepolis

This is page one of Persepolis, by Marjane Satrapi. It is the autobiographical story of a child in Iran just trying her best to grow up. I highly recommend this book to everyone. It is a beautiful read. Don't let the unique format fool you. It can be deeply touching and heart wrenching. She also wrote a sequal Persepolis 2, which I find to be as equally appealing. It certainly gives the "enemy" a very human face...


Also a quote by Marjane Satrapi
"...this old and great civilization has been discussed mostly in connection with fundamentalism, fanaticism, and terrorism. As an Iranian who has lived more than half of my life in Iran I know that this image is far from the truth. I believe that an entire nation should not be judged by the wrongdoings of a few extremists. I also don't want those Iranians who lost thier lives in prisons defending freedom, who died in the war against Iraq, who suffered under various repressive regimes, or who were forced to leave their families and flee their homeland to be forgotten."

The Box

Where are you in relation to the box?

Maybe I should explain myself. Last weekend I had a small birthday dinner for two friends. I recently moved into a home that is only partially renovated and we hadn't gotten around to painting the dining room walls. I was a little vexed about this at first, but then I decided to break out my colored markers and allow our guest to write their birthday blessings on the wall. It turned out to be a lot of fun and drew attention away from the ugliness of the need for a paint job.

Well anyway, my oldest son Abe came home and drew a stick man in a box and wrote "Abe" with an arrow pointing to the little man in the box. A while later, another stickman appeared drawn outside the box by my youngest son, Jonathan. The caption with an arrow read, "Jon, outside the box." So of course, Mom haaaad to get in on the act and I drew a stick person flying over the box with the caption, "Mom, flying over the box."

So my question to you is this, where are you in relation to the box? Are you in the box? Outside the box? Flying above the box? One foot in one foot out? Is it a box you constructed for yourself, or did others place you there? Perhaps society has placed you in the box, family, friends, or even your church.

But you need to know, box inhabiters, you don't have to stay inside the box unless you choose to.

So I ask you again, where are you in relation to the box?

I heard this poem read by the incredible female poet, Suheir Hammad. I am not sure of the author and believe that she credited it to someone else.

I will not dance to your war drum.
I will not lend my soul
nor my bones
to your war drum.
I will not dance to your beating.
I know that beat
it is lifeless.
I know intimately that skin you are hitting.
It was alive once
and hunted
stolen
stretched.
I will not dance to your drummed up war.
I will not pop
spin
break
for you.
I will not hate for you
or even hate you.
I will not kill for you.
Especially
I will not die for you.
I will not mourn the dead
with murder nor suicide.
I will not side with you
nor dance to bombs because everyone else is dancing.
Everyone can be wrong.
Life is a right
not collateral or casual.
I will not forget where I come from.
I will craft my own drum.
Gather my beloved near
and our chanting will be dancing.
Our humming will be drumming.
I will not be played.
I will not lend my name
nor my rhythm to your beat.
I will dance
and resist
and dance
and persist
and dance.
This heartbeat is louder than death.
Your war drum ain'’t louder than this breath.