Morning Einstein

"Jesus is too colossal for the pen of phrasemongers, however artful. No man can dispose of Christianity with a bon mot. "

Links

I need to clear my blog roll.
I'm reluctant to do so. The thought of it makes me a little sad. some of the links no longer exist, and some of them just haven't posted anything new in years. But nevertheless, the thoughts and reflections of these various blog authors meant something to me at some point in time - that's why they were added to the roll.
I guess the reason I'm so reluctant to remove them is that I'm kind of bothered by the ease and willingness with which we disconnect with people and move on in our lives. I see it all around me in our society - as if people are commodities to be traded away when they no longer have a perceived relevance to our current life, or their presence is no longer seen as needful or convenient. I see it in churches too. I'll have been a member of my church for ten years in April. I can't begin to even calculate the people I've seen come and go in that length of time. To be sure there were times when I thought it might behoove me to look elsewhere for a house of worship - but I just kept thinking about what it means to be the manifest reality of family within the body of Christ. Can we really walk away from each other at the point of conflict and say we take that call seriously? Just as love, companionship, sharing and empathy are a part of family, isn't pain, misunderstanding, and disappointment as well? Can we really expect to have one without the other?
I've stuck it out so far, because I've embraced a willingness to take the good with the bad and to pursue the call to be true family within the body of Christ. The lessons I have learned in reconcilliation, and waiting to allow God time to bring His resolution to circumstances has proven invaluable. If I had run or backed away from the situation - I never would have had those experiences or the lessons that go with them.

Connection

"You can walk where things are predictable - or you can enter the wilderness. Without the wilderness, there can be neither reverence nor revelation."

Lawrence Kushner

[God] is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him.

C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

Transition

I struggle right now to put how I feel about this election into words. I have supported Obama from the start, prayed for him and contributed to his campaign. But it never entered into my imagination the impact that this victory has had on us collectively and for me individually. There is certainly a danger in over emphasizing the impact, but I think it is just as dangerous to under-estimate it as well. It feels to me as if we were a nation slowly and painfully suffocating in a darkened room, and at the last moment when our lungs were nearly ready to burst the door slammed open and the sunlight and air poured in.

At the same time, while I have been deeply disappointed by George Bush over the past eight years, I'm not taking any pleasure in the way he is being disparaged at present. He is still the president, and we elected him - if not by our vote, then by our indifference. ( Okay - so the 2000 election results are debatable. But that is another argument.) I can't imagine what he must feel like right now. And turning on him now is kind of like a man who marries a woman who doesn't cook and then spends the rest of his life complaining that she doesn't know how.

We elected him.

Awww Shucks

Have you heard about Sarah Palin's involvement with the secessionist movement in Alaska? Yes, that's right, the woman who is the Republican nominee for VP, and could be a heartbeat away from the presidency has been involved in a group which wants to secede from the U.S. Her husband was a party member for 7 years. I won't belabor the issue as the article I've linked tells it better than I can. If I'm ever required to get a background check, I'm hiring the folks who did hers. ;) I feel safer already.

Todd Palin can guffaw about the PTA all he wants, but their organizational ties to the AIP (Alaskan Independence Party) are the real story of who these "down home" people really are.

http://www.thenation.com/blogs/campaignmatters/353575/palin_s_secessionist_friends

I invite and encourage you to pass this info on.

Zero My Hero

I remember my School House Rock. And I guess those who don't believe in actually funding the educational programs they profess to support would be silly enough to underestimate the value of 0 and ignorant enough to think that is the lowest numerical value there is. But Zero is actually not a bad place to start. Not like someone in the negatives who had to make up for being so far in the red that starting at zero would be a blessing. Anyone who has had to balance a budget, at home or work knows that zero can be a very very good thing. Zero in reference to our nation's budget right now would be a very good thing indeed, as opposed to the nearly ten trillion dollars in national debt that we now owe thanks to Bush. Hmmmm, let me think 0 or - 10 trillion. which would you rather be? But I digress. I tried so very hard to watch the RNC tonight. I felt it was my obligation as a citizen, but I could not make it through Giuliani's speech. It was so ugly and so nasty and so below the belt I just couldn't do it, so I turned and watch Globetrekker instead and talked with my kids about traveling.

Campaign for True Beauty

Most of us have seen the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. If you haven't it features women of various ages, shapes and sizes in nude in poses that are tasteful and indeed beautiful. While I applaud the campaign and think it is a wonderful expansion of our idea of external beauty, it still does only that - focuses on the external.

So today I would like to launch my own campaign.

The Campaign for True Beauty.

Rambling

I'm not sure this post will have a theme. I think it is more of an update. I left my job of nine years today to start on a new venture that I am very excited about. I'm going to be a foster mother and actually get paid to be a stay at home mom. I've wanted to do it for years, but never thought I could afford to do it and take care of the children the way I would want to. But I found a program that is perfect for me.
It will also allow me to continue studying French, and actually take a few classes in the classroom at DePaul. Been itching to do that for a while now. I would like to actually finish my degree in the classroom.

I know everyone has seen my pastor on the news, Fr. Pfleger. It has been a pretty surreal experience for me, being a part of the world "news", if you want to call it that. I keep hearing from people that he needs to stay out of politics, but the funny thing is I seem to recall that the past two elections were pretty much decided by the religious right. And the list of Republican endorsements from "preachers" begins with Pat Robertson, Dr. James Dobson, John Hagee and Rod Parsley, but certainly doesn't end there. Talk about the bizarro committee. All of them have made statements just as hard to comprehend as Jeremiah Wright and Fr. Pfleger - or even more so in my book. But for some strange reason they were spared the relentless media loop of Youtube. Kind of makes you wonder why the words of preachers rather than the candidates is such a focus this go round . . .

NOW

Aren’t you glad Sarah laughed? I am. It makes me feel a whole lot better some times. In fact not only did she laugh, she then turned around and lied about it. But it didn’t stop the promise. I love her response – Now? Now you want to bless me? Now you want to give me what I have been longing for, aching for, and dying for, for so many years – so long that I had given up hope of ever seeing it – Now? Now that I am as good as dead, have been given away by my husband twice, watched him have a child with another woman in front of my eyes, NOW you want to bless me with the promise?

I think I understand how she feels. I mean have you ever wanted to ask God if He is out of His mind or what on earth He is thinking? You hope and yearn and believe Him for something and at first you are really strong and confident about it, but then time wears on, and trials begin to hit, and hit …and hit. You look to the horizon for the promise but to your horror it looks even farther away than it did at the beginning. People begin to speak over you to give up, it will never happen. They remind you of all the ways you have messed up, all of your failures and everything you’re not, how you didn’t have the right attitude all of the time, the things you said wrong, the people you pissed off, and how in general you might as well consider it “game over”. Your confidence wanes, your grip loosens on what you were holding onto so strongly. Maybe you do like Abraham and Sarah and take matters into your own hands and end up bearing an Ishmael. In fact you look around you and you have to admit, it would have been difficult to make a bigger mess of things. You get depressed, and can even get to the place to where, like Sarah, you have given up entirely. You tell yourself you don’t even care anymore and almost believe you.

And then God sends an angel into your life and says NOW!

Two Questions

I've had a couple of things on my mind lately.

First of all I have been pondering the following question. In the Garden of Gethsemane, do you ever wonder who was the last to fall asleep? I do. I wonder what it felt like to try to stay awake while one by one those around you dropped off. I wonder if the last one to sucumb did so just because everyone else had, or because maybe it was just too dang lonely to still be the only one awake all by themselves in such an ominous atmosphere. The Bible doesn't tell us who it was, but it does say that the people that Christ singled out and rebuked by name were leaders. I wonder if He knew it was their example that made it all the easier for others to give in? I wonder if the other disciples looked around and said to themselves, "Well, Peter is asleep. And John is snoring! It must be okay."

I also ask myself the question, "Is the measure of our faith how well we love our enemies?" Christ washed everyone's feet - even Judas', and if I know my Saviour, I would be willing to bet especially Judas'. I have to ask myself when was the last time I washed the feet of my enemy? And I'm not talking about making magnanimous gestures designed to demonstrate that we are the bigger person. Those lack sincerity and in the end are motivated by a desire to make the other person appear small and us superior. When was the last time I did something kind for someone who had hurt me - anonymously . . . How do I talk about them behind their back? What do I secretly wish for them and their lives? Do I pray for them - sincerely?

It kind of reminds me of an old song, Lord, I want to be a Christian in my heart.

In my heart.

Brooklyn's Bridge

There are moments in my life when God speaks to me in a way that is unmistakable. Its as if for a moment or two, the heavens part and I walk a bridge that passes directly to my master's heart. Though granted, those moments are rare, they are powerful and trans formative. Today was such a day.

I work at a school and have been substitute teaching for one of the nuns who had surgery. The children are very good and its been as close to a breeze as substitute teaching can be, but the days are a little long and I'm in school myself - so it has been tiring and a stretch. Unfortunately my prayer life has suffered. I'm used to getting up in the morning and puttering around and making my way to the church for at least a few moments of prayer and/or quiet before plunging into my day - but it just hasn't been happening while I sub.

As this assignment is more than a few days, I knew something had to give - so I vowed that I would at the very least pray while my car warms up and on the quick drive into work. This morning as I let the car heat up I started. I was interrupted. I was interrupted by what I can only describe as a voice yelling at me in my spirit. If you have never had God yell at you, you're in for an experience. He began to admonish me to walk with my head up, to never forget that I am the daughter of a great king and to carry myself like it. He told me to never walk with my head down again, ever. Well, I was truly surprised and thought to myself that I would get some kind of crown or ornament with a crown on it to place in my bedroom to meditate on what I had just heard and experienced. But then, remembering how much I dislike Christian paraphernalia I brushed the thought aside and but continued to think about what I just felt God had said to me.

I went to work and one of the children I work with, Brooklyn, walked up to me first thing in thing in the morning - and I kid you not, she said, " I brought this to school because I wanted you to see it." and pulled out a small pink velvet box in the shape of a crown and handed it to me. She then said, " Would you keep it on your desk for me?"

This weekend I will be shopping for one of my own.

Graffiti dans Paris

I took pictures for my sons of graffiti in Europe. I like this one because I thought it was particularly interesting, especially with the baguette lying in front of it on the ground.

Fifty years of doubt. Fifty years of questions. Fifty years of silence. Fifty years of felt absence.

And fifty years of absolute obedience . . .

My only question is how anyone could doubt her being deserving of sainthood.

C.S. Lewis Quote

"In the midst of a world of light and love, of song and feast and dance, [Lucifer] could find nothing to think of more interesting than his own prestige."

--A Preface to Paradise Lost

Dans Paris

I returned August third. Well to be more precise, my body arrived back in the U.S on that date. But for some reason internally I feel I am continually walking the streets of Paris, almost like Jacob Marley, the Ghost partner of Ebenezer Scrooge. Every time I close my eyes, there I am - walking and walking. Sometimes in Montmartre, sometimes in the Marais, some times round the backside of Notre Dame even. No matter where - the feeling is always the same restless wandering. What was I looking for? What am I looking for? I am at home and at work - but still walking in my spirit.

Tallinn, Estonia

Tallinn, Estonia was one of the most beautiful places that I visited this past summer. Estonia is the home of the singing revolution, which if you are unfamiliar with, I encourage you to look up in Wikipedia.

I went to 12 nations last summer, Tallinn was one of the most memorable places, and definitely warrants a return trip with my sons.

Pics from Giverny

Bon Voyage

Since I wasn't able to keep up with my blog while traveling I thought I would post some excerpts from the emails I sent to friends and family. This one is about my arrival.

After my arrival I discovered that my housing is actually at the
University of Paris. That in and of itself was thrilling to me. The
campus is beautiful and my room is more than I could have hoped for.
But what blessed me the most was that I was immediately befriended by
two of the residents, Yun from China and Hachim from Algeria. Yun
showed me the ropes ( God bless her!) and took me to the grocery
store. Later Hachim invited me to eat a home cooked dinner that he and
three other of his Algerian friends had cooked! They were surprised
and delighted that I am a fan of their countryman, the violinist
Djamel Ben Yelles, and I can't begin to tell you how much better and
more at home their hospitality made me feel. Who would have thought
that immediately upon my arrival I would be so embraced? Talk about
having your steps ordered.

This morning I had to go out and buy a few odds and ends to prepare my
meals with, so I ventured up where i knew there was a large immigrant
community and the shopping is cheap. I ended up wandering into the
largest open air market I have ever seen. The market was packed and
loud and beautiful. They sold everything from fresh fish to underwear
- but for me the most beautiful thing of course was the incredible
mixture of people from every race and nationality. A lot of Tunisians,
Algerians, Moroccans, Africans, etc ... And let me tell you, I have
really been enlightened on the scope of what is African Attire! But
this is the Paris that I love. The Champs Elysees and Eiffel Tower are
beautiful, but for me it is that Paris is such an international city,
and the immigrants here do not feel the pressure to assimilate. Here
the Africans wear their African attire all of the time.